


Unsure

by LeMayora



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hospitalization, M/M, Sick Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-13 09:38:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7972039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeMayora/pseuds/LeMayora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its been five years after that day, Gintoki did not visit him and now he is ready to see Hijikata again, but what would happen if he is finally standing in front of him? would he have the courage to face him again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"So hot"

Gintoki murmured as he went out of his apartment door, wiping the sweat on his brow as he glanced at the next door beside him and frowned. ah its been almost five years now yet he still ... shaking his head he locked his door and groaned when Kagura who lives across his apartment along with his brother tackled him.

"oi, oi aren't you old enough for this piggy back?"

"Gin-chan you actually smell like a human being now? what cologne is this?"

"I smell nice everyday! Gin-san doesn't need any cologne when the strawberry milk had its own purposes to make me smell good"

he turned to face Kagura and noticed that she was making a face as she looked at his outfit.

"You look so formal today Gin-chan you don't have work today..are you going somewhere special?"

Gintoki raised a brow as he looked at his clothes, he was wearing his usual jeans but instead of a Tee or a long sleeve and jackets he was wearing a black button up that was rolled on the sleeves and shrugged. "Gotta look good to empress someone you know" and with that Kagura's eyes lit and she smiled.

"Perhaps ... are you finally going to visit the mayora?"

Gintoki just looked away and shoved his hand on her face as he walked to the stairs. "Don't assume things, go back to your room before your baldy shouts at me for being a pedo" and with that GIntoki left the apartment complex and walked on the streets, too hot.. why is it to hot on this 5th of May, it usually rains.

"oh, Gintoki?"

Stopping on his tracks he saw Katsura along with his duck Elizabeth, why is he running with familiar people now. "Its strange seeing you out this early in the morning, what more in a hot weather."

"I have something important to do"

"... Are you finally visiting him?"

A nod.

" he would surely beat you up for taking this long to see him you know, its not nice making someone wait"

Shifting from his side Gintoki picked his ear as he nodded "yeah he will probably give me five years worthy of beating" he let out a chuckle but it was forced and Katsura gave him a worried look, the small scrunch of his brows made Gintoki frown. "Oi oi now on, whats with that look? ill be fine, don't worry " and with that he patted the long haired raven on the shoulder as he waved and continued walking, there is no reason to be so work up but still after five years of not seeing , feeling and talking to him, its still hard, now this is what GIntoki hated at the same time love as well, the memories that floods on his head whenever his mind wonders back to that incident.

Hijikata Toushiiro.

that person, how did he madly fell in love with the bastard?!that bastard is not even friendly after all, an idiot with a stick up his ass, he questions him self after he realized that he was indeed in love with the bastard.

ah right, it started when Hijikata moved in the apartment right next to his, it was Tatsumas' but the air head idiot left the apartment after he graduated, and now is a pilot and off to god damn where, so his room had been vacant for three weeks or so until Hijikata arrived. Hiijkata as Gintoki remembered, he saw him first when he was locking his apartment door, a lot of boxes was sprawled on outside the door next to him and that's where he saw him. he was just wearing a grey Tee with white stripes on the hem and a black jeans, that's all but he was such a head turner, Gintoki knew that he prolonged locking his apartment door to check out his new neighbor. midnight hair framed his face, lean and slender body on such simple clothes and gun-metal orbs framed inside black glasses. he blinked as he realized that same pair was looking at him as he carried the box and Gintoki realized he must have stared that much and went to approach the other.

  
_"Hey, im living next to you obviously, names Sakata Gintoki" he smiled at the other male, Gintoki wont deny that he got immediately interested with him, like he said the guy was a head turner, the type that you will momentarily stop and look at him, he had that appeal yet.._

_"Hijikata"_

_Came a small response and Gintoki blinked. "Ah well nice meeting you Hijikata-kun" Gintoki extended his hand for a shake and added "you want he-" but he was cut short when the door was shut and he was left alone outside. Handsomeness, appeal and hotness aside the guy was fucking rude! who does that?! too damn rude he was still talking and he did not even shake his hands whats up with that guy!? Gintoki doesn't deal with such rudeness, there and then he decided Hijikata is a bastard._

_the second time that he came across him was him going inside his apartment, he cant seem to find the key on his bag as he dug through it and as doing so he saw Hijikata went out of his apartment, wearing a white button up and jeans he had a suitcase with him and he placed a cigarette between his lips before locking his apartment door. a nicotine freak huh, Gintoki thought as he saw him walk down towards the elevator, its been three weeks since Hijikata transferred but the room next to him feels as if there was no occupant, the guy rarely goes out, there was few noises from the television, yes he can tell since the walls are thin specially his and Hijikata's room, that's where the second problem was, the walls are thin and he had been in Tatsumas room a lot of times to know that the location of his bedroom is also next to where the bedroom of the other room is that's why every noises on that room can be heard. it started slowly, the clacking will start but ends on around midnight or so, but lately the noises had bee so frequent and it was every night as well. the loud, clacking, tapping, and noises coming from a rabid typing from a keyboard that sometimes he can still hear around 3 in the morning! having enough Gintoki woke up around 3:45 AM and the typing did not ceased one bit, he clenched his fist and slammed it so hard on the are which he assumed the noises are coming from and heard a crash on the other room, the satisfaction he felt when he heard that is blissful, Hijikata must have startled. it was quiet for a few minutes and Gintoki was about to lay back down on his bed when a loud and much forceful slam was heard on the wall to where he had landed his fist earlier and a crash followed as Ketsuno Ana (his favorite reporter and ultimate crush) picture frame that was hanging on the wall fell and the class case shattered, then later on the typing resumed, Gintoki growled in frustration that night and yelled_

_"FUCKIN BASTARD!"_

_By the next morning Kagura and Shinpachi had visted him, the two brats that's working part time with him on their small odd jobs comes every week ends._

_"Gin-chan you look like you watch *** films the whole night, those eye bags are so ripe we can harvest them already" upon proving her point Kagura poked the skin under his eyes and he whacked her head with the book he was reading._

_"But realy Gin-san you look like you stayed up all night.. did you re-read one of Tosshi's books again?"_

_"No, as much as i am a huge fan of him my heart wont take reading his book while that bastard was being noisy on the other room! it makes the reading go bad!"_

_Shinpachi looked at the other male as he signed and looked at the books that was piled on the coffee table he looked at Shinpachi as he sat up and rubbed his head. "What?"_

_"Nothing" Shinpachi doesn't want to ask anything further he shrugged "by the way inst today is Tosshi's book signing?" Shinpachi lifted one of the books that was littering on the coffee table he flipped one open to see the signature of the said author._

_"AH DAMN IT!" Gintoki immediately sat up as he looked around, he haven't had this new one signed yet! and he knew its hard to obtain this author's signature, he rarely make any book signing and he was never seen in public too, despite his books being a best seller no one really knows the mysterious writer._

_"Gin-chan you are getting obsessed with those depressing books again"_

_"Oi! its not depressing, this is what life is! there's no fibs on his works and besides this is the new one! and they already provided a few chapters of sneak peaks on 'Momento Mori!' that's his next work! im looking forward for it!" he stood up and gathered his belongings as he looked at the two "Don't mess my place that much! " and with that Gintoki left his apartment and glanced at the door next to him before running down and out the apartment building._

_later that night He went back home very late and with a woman who was shoving him back on his door, he saw Otae gave him a disproving glare before going back inside her room, its nothing new to anyone in the complex to see Gintoki bringing in random partners, men or women and they had gotten used to it that they don't question it anymore. as they reached the bedroom Gintoki can hear the annoying typing and and a low voices coming from the television on the room next to him and he internally groaned before an idea popped into his head._

_._

_._

_._

 

"Pfft!"

Gintoki covered his mouth as he remembered what he actually did that time, yeah it was a rather loud and noisy night he remembered Hijikata banging his fist on the wall three times that night to have them stop but that even spurred the woman he bed that night to be more louder, in the end he heard the television on the other room in a very loud volume. now that Gintoki think about it that bastard is so fun to piss off.

the next morning that day he went out of his apartment at the same time as Hijikata and they stared at each other for a long time before he saw the usual frown on the others lips turned into a deep scowl and he hurriedly locked his door much to his dismay Gintoki was finished first and started making his way towards him 

.

.

.

 

_"Yo, a scary face so early in the morning huh?don't spread bad omens in the building oi"_

_"Don't talk to me!"_

_"That,s not very nice, and here i am trying to be friends with you"_

_"Fuck off asshole! stop following me!"_

_"Don't assume! im going down as well!, what the hell is your problem?! you are such a rude bastard!"_

_"i don't care" was what he last said as he repeatedly pressed the close button on the elevator to make sure Gintoki wont get it but gintoki was also abusing the open button on the other hand "OI! LET ME IN!" with one last press he threw himself inside and knocked Hijikata in the process as he they tumbled inside the elevator._

_"Get off me!"_

_Hijikata hissed and stood up immediately as he stayed as far away as the other._

_"Why are you rude? remove that huge stick stuck up your ass!"_

_"I dont wanna hear that from someone who did not have any consideration about other people that lives next to them! "_

_"I should be saying that right back at you!" he hissed "who stayed up until 4 in the morning doing nothing but to type shit on your noisy shitty keyboard! "_

_"Someone who actually maintains a regular job!"_

_"I have a job too! im a lawyer! damn you!"_

_"..." Hijikata paused and started sizing him up from head to toe "If i still had my badge i will arrest you for distruptin' a civillian with your disgustin' tha- well that! activities last night!"_

_"Whats disgusting about that?! its normal! what? stammering like a virgin huh Mr. ex-Policeman! .." he trailed off as he saw Hijikata's brows already starting to connect with the large frown he had and glare that could already kill an army and then it clicked on Gintoki's head "... oh don't tell me... you are a virgin Oogushi-kun?!" he made a fake hurt as he looked at him and he can see the faint red tinting the other male's cheeks before he felt a fist colliding on his gut and heard the elevator door opened and saw Hijikata went out_

_"Dont talk to me again!"_

_he said that but.. after that encounter he and Hijikata would always see each other, in the hallways, the laundry room or the stairs and every time they do they only spat at each other, and will end as either if them gets the abuse which is mostly him._

_"Did you get to a fight with Hijikata-san again?" Shinpahci said as he saw the bruise on his jaw when gin walked pass him. "seriously you two come at each other whenever you meet"_

_"That rude bastard just need to loosen up, he cant take a small joke and resorted to domestic violence! i will sue that asshole!"_

_"My, my just try to get along more, anyways ill be going now" Shinpachi gathered all his things as he stood up, piling his books and notes "make sure to put some antiseptic for that"_

_"yes, yes future doctor-san" Gintoki waved his hand as the younger male left and he flopped on his couch, what day, he just had to run into Hijikata again today, whats with this really? its starting to annoy him, the other people in the building had started to know Hijikata as 'the guy Gintoki gets in fight with', is fate-san playing with him?! its not really fair. looking at the clock he frowned "Ah!" he immediately sat up as he remembered something "TODAY'S THE BUY ONE TAKE THREE ON THAT PARFAIT SHOP!" he tumbled out the couch grabbed his jacket and, shoved his wallet and keys on his pockets and grabbed one of his favorite book with him, hurriedly rounding the corner he collided with something or rather someone on the hallways and this person fell flat on their ass and Gintoki winced as he stumbled a bit and rubbed his head before seeing a lot of papers scattered on the hallways and as his eyes roamed he saw Hijikata rubbing his head with his glasses askew._

_"er...uh sorry" well he did feel bad, with these paper this must be work related, he started picking the papers up as he heard Hijikata hissed and curse at him, hurried gathering the papers as if he did not want the other to see it._

_"Give it to me!"_

_"whoa! im helping you here, can you at least reconsider!" he ignored the request as he continued to pick the papers up._

_"Just leave it to me and go to wherever shit on earth you need to be!"_

_"You really are an existence of rudeness you know! why are you freaking out over a scrap of paper! this is probably a worthies paper work that you shi...t on..." his eyes widen as he read the paper that he had picked and he started shaking at the bold title of "...Momento Mori" his eyes went to Hijikata then to the paper as he made a quick scan and read the contents before it was being snatched away from him._

_"You.. you!" he started pointing at him as Hijikata continued to pick the papers. "You are Tosshi?! " he saw Hijikata flinched and frowned but the gun-metal orbs widen a bit as he saw the book that Gintoki had dropped on the collision, it was Tosshi's work entitled 'Clover leaf' and one of Gintoki's favorite._

_"No" he collected all the papers as he started to stack them inside the folder._

_"Dont lie to me! why would you have that in the first place?!" Gintoki picked up his book and flipped the page seeing a signature there he glanced at Hijikata now that explains the all nighters he was doing typing the whole day away. he must have a dead line or some sort._

_"I hate to say this now that i know who you are but im a huge fan... just did not thought you are a huge rude bastard behind that pen name "_

_"The fuck you mean by that?!"_

_"That exactly! how come you are so gentle and solemn on your books but actually spitting curses every 5 seconds!" Gintoki started to follow him back to his apartment "hey come on talk to me! is this the reason you dont attend fan meetings? and just signed the book behind closed doors? is it cause you are too rude?"_

_"Tch!" with that said he grabbed the rest of the paper on Gintoki's hand as he walked away and headed to his room. Gintoki followed him after picking up his book and smirked "Oi come one, despite your attitude i still like your works" he blinked as he saw the small flush that crossed Hijikata's features as he fumbled on his keys while having trouble carrying his stuff, Gintoki sighed and went to grab the key from his hand "here let me .. jeezz"_

_"Im fine on my own"_

_"Speak for your self" Gintoki mumbled before he finally opened the door and immediately went inside the apartment like he owned the place, well he was curious what it looked like._

_"What the hell are you doin!? get out you shitty perm!" Hijikata followed suit hastily removing his shoes a she chased after Gintoki inside, he dumped his papers on the coffee tables "oi bastard!"_

_"woah... did you made any changes here? it looks like no one is still living here"_

_"Dont do as you pleased, what the hell is wrong with you!" he grabbed him by the collar as he hissed and Gintoki only sighed._

_"Arent you at least going to be nice to your fan? seriously im an avid fan! i have all your works with your signature and i sent you fan mails oi! can you be at least a bit considerate!" Hijikata closed his eyes as he sighed and slowly let go as he rubbed his forehead._

_"What do you want?"_

_"Can I read it? Momento Mori?"_

_"... what? no way!"_

_"Why?!"_

_"Its not finished yet and most likely wont be published in time, ugh you are adding up my head aches" he murmured removing his glasses as he went to the kitchen, Gintoki looked at him and then looked around, he was serious when he said that the place looked like no one still lived there. it was so plain without any decorations at all, the papers are littering everywhere too, the coffee table, the couch and some crushed papers. he grabbed one paper from the folder and started reading just in time Hijikata moved the papers and actually offered him some tea. Gintoki smirked and sipped from the tea as he continued to read._

_"So why is this not published yet?"_

_"Its not yet finished and my editor just recently threw it back on my face this morning" he sighed and flopped on the couch as he rubbed his forehead._

_"Eh why is that, it seems good too me"_

_"She said its too depressin' and lackin' of somethin' "_

_"Like what?"_

_"I dunno.." was the only answer he received and he nodded resuming his reading, it was the first time they spend the next 10 minutes without fighting and at the end of that day Gintoki had persuaded Hijikata to let him borrow the manuscript for it which he immediately started reading, and at the same time he can hear the typing on the other room again and he shook his head, he might as well get used to the clacking of key boards._


	2. Chapter 2

_"What do you think?"_

_"I think its already pretty good to be honest, but it kinda really lacks something, like its missing a piece"_

_"Tch, you always say that yet you cant say what is exactly missing a-"_

_"Feelings.. you know on your previous works you can sense the emotion and stuff but this one. it doesn't feel like the book is telling a story , more like you are just comprehending the words but not feeling the story" Gintoki looked at Hijikata that was sitting across him, they are currently on a coffee shop and its been almost a month since Gintoki started hanging out with Hijikata, he became a beta reader, hijikata would show him his recent updates for the book and he would give advice here and there it had became a normal thing already well they still did argue.. a LOT , Gintoki was reminded of that by the band aid on his forehead after Hijikata threw a damn encyclopedia on him after yelling 'your brain needs thick books like this you asshole!' and so a fight ensued on Hijiakata's apartment this morning._

_"Im just doin the same thing im doin before..."_

_"Are you less motivated now? " cutting a small piece of cake he shoved it on his mouth as he set the papers down and saw that look on Hijikata's face again he was looking outside the window, being with Hijikata he had observed the man more than he should. there are times where he looked so... broken, no not that, he looks lost. the gleam on his gun-metal blue eyes would start to fade and his presence would slowly fade as well, its like he was there but not there and it reminded Gintoki of a ghost or a memory that is starting to be forgotten and for some reason Gintoki hated that, and as much as he hated to admit this month he came to know a lot about Hijikata, he was almost everyday on Hijikata's apartment also bringing his paper-works there if needed and when was doing it he can see this particular look on Hijikata, when he was typing, his fingers the only one that moves automatically, when they are eating he would just stare at his food and even when they are talking he would just shut down like today. frowning Gintoki kicked the other on the shin and it made Hijikata snapped and was actually startled that he almost jump at his seat and hit his knee under the table which almost made his coffee spill and he gave Gintoki a glare._

_"What the fuck?!"_

_"Oi, listen when someone is talking with you, jeezz you really are rude"_

_"If you are done with it then im goin" he stood up and grabbed his case and the folders on the table._

_"eh? that soon!?"_

_"I have things to do"_

_"Come on, you never come out of your apartment if its not work related, loosen up maybe you need a small break to clear your mind oi"_

_Hijikata looked a him as if he was asking for both of his kidneys and shook his head grabbing his suit case he finished his coffee before leaving the money on the table and left the shop, Gintoki sighed as he groaned before standing up and followed the other he grabbed his wrist and dragged the raven haired male on the other direction._

_"O-oi! what the hell let go! where are you taking me!?"_

_"To loosen up!"_

_"Don't you have a case to handle!?"_

_"Thats for next week, don't worry come on"_

_The next thing Gintoki saw is Hijikata smashed on the counter of the bar that they visited. they drank a few shots and Hijikata after five shots of vodka started swaying on his seat and hiccuping, he became more talkative than usual, he did not know that the man cant handle his liquor well._

_"ugh come on you are heavy" Gintoki frowned as he opened the apartment, placing Hijikata's key on the coffee table as well as his suit case he dragged the other into his room and unceremoniously threw him on the bed which earned a small giggle from the raven haired male._

_"ruuuude..." Hijikta slurred as he made himself comfortable._

_"talk about rude!" Gintoki sighed as he sat on the bed and looked at the other that was looking up the ceiling, he had that look again._

_"Do you know what Momento Mori means?"_

_Gintoki looked at him as the atmosphere suddenly changed and he sighed_

_"Remember death"_

_"mmm.. you do have a brain"_

_"Oi! im intelligent! i passed board exam you idiot!" he stopped his ranting as he saw the other that was slowly falling asleep and he slowly reached out to push back the raven locks and sighed, he stood up and was about to leave but he paused as he felt the hem of his shirt being stopped by Hijikata and his eyes widen as he looked at the other._

_"...dont leave... dont leave me alone.. stay "_

_Gintoki slowly sat down as he reached down and slowly removed Hijikata's fingers that was tightly clenching on his shirt and held his hand. "i wont, so go to sleep" and with that said Hijikata relaxes and slowly fell asleep, Gintoki remembered watching him that evening, his even breathing and his relaxed face, for some reason that must be the time he realized how fragile Hijikata Toushiro is despite the cold exterior, he was so lonely and it pained Gintoki and it made him want to stay by his side and assure him that he wont be alone.._

_this strange feeling.._

_the clenching of his chest_

_and the loud pounding of his heart as he leaned closer to place a soft kiss on the others lips._

_"Damn it.."_

_"Gin-san where have you been?" Shinpachi had asked him that morning since he stayed over night on Hijikata's place and he left before the other wakes up, who knows what kind of monster will awaken with the hang over, every living things might actually piss the other so he made an escape._

_"Ah Oogushi-kun and I went out drinking"_

_"Gin-chan you and mayora is getting to buddy, buddy already" Kagura chomped on her sukonbu as she watched the TV, changing the channel Shinpachi stopped her immediately._

_"NO! don't change it!"_

_"Why?! it was boring its all about that virus thingy!"_

_"I need that information for my homework!"_

_"Oi, OI whats the fuzz all about?" Gintoki walked in the living room to see Kagura and Shinpachi fighting over the remote and he made a grab to it and changed it to the news channel._

_"Thank you Gin-san!"_

_"Gin-chan! that is a boring show! i thought we are gonna do a Two Piece marathon!"_

_"I need to listen to the news for now, need it for the case im working in, what are you desperate for the news patsuan?" he flopped on the couch and kagura immediately placed her feet on his lap as she lay there._

_"Im doing a research, school project, its about the White plague "_

_"white plaque?"_

_"PLAGUE! its plague Gin-san"_

_"Plague, plaque whatever, whats it about?"_

_"im, actually surprise you did not know this Gin-san, as a lawyer you should be informed with this."_

_"Are you looking down at me!" he threw the couch cushion on the younger boy who evaded it as he opened his folder. "Its some sort of a virus that is spreading, no one really know where it originated but it was in Asia that it started, and it was spreading slowly though there are only like 5% of reported case, its a very rare decease that they don't have any cure yet but they develop some medicine to slow the spreading of the virus to the patient"_

_"sounds awful, how you get immune on that? or like symptoms?"_

_"well they are developing vaccines on it recently, also its not hereditary .. when you had... fate must be really unkind... well the symptoms" Shinpachi flipped through his folders as he read "Dropping down of physical strength, being really emotional, its really not noticeable until you reach the critical point which is, blood coughing, and heavy migraines, then the sickness will start to lessen your senses and rashes too and the most noticeable one is the patients hair would slowly turn to white a-"_

_"GIIIIIN-CHANN! ARE YOU GONNA DIE NOW!? WHY DID YOU NOT TELL US!" Kagura started shaking him as she wailed._

_"Im not dying! its my natural hair! got it!"_

_"Gin-san's case is albinism Kagura-chan"_

_"Enough! Enough! i don't wanna talk about my hair damn it! its not easy to be a perm!"_

_"You are more worried about that.." Shinpachi sighed and shook his head as he looked at Gintoki and Kagura arguing, he started to gather his things "Ill be going now, Gin-san, kagura-chan" he shrugged and left the apartment. after that fight with Kagura the vermillion brat finally left him alone and for once he was able to think, he was able to think about everything._

_"What a pain"_

_he sighed and flopped into the couch now questioning himself and for what he did before he left the apartment this morning, was he seriously falling for the rude bastard? well he wont deny that there was a attraction there, well Hijikata is hot, he is handsome no question about that and his body too.. he knitted his brows as he flopped on the bed, that must be it just the psychical attraction yes, damn Hijikata and his sexy body its Gintoki's Strike rate! the bastard is not even aware about it, he just walks around in sweats and tee even though Gintoki would stay on his apartment, there was one time that he went into Hijikata's apartment he must have forgot to lock his door since Gintoki was able to twist the knob and went inside casually and as he walked in he saw Hijikata wearing a grey sweats and a loose long sleeve shirt and bed hair his glasses was already on the tip of his nose as he sipped his coffee and what was cute about the whole thing is his yellow-ish fluffy slipper that he wore. they stared at each other for almost a minute or so._

_Hijikata probably still sleepy to react immediate that when he realized what happened he started to turn red and yelled 'get the fuck out!' Ginotki fearing for his life he can see the cup of hot coffee on Hijikata's hand and worse come to worse that might be thrown at him._

.

.

.

"That violent bastard" Gintoki murmured as he continued walking, looking around he stopped in front of a flower shop and blinked, should he? or.. that guy is not really into flowers and chocolate type a mayonnaise would probably do, sighing he stared at the red carnation that was on the display and his mind wandered back again from five years ago.

.

.

.

_"What are we doing here?" Hijikata asked once as they stood on the park, it was already late and Gintoki had dragged Hijikata out of his apartment that night for a small drink, he was wrapped in red scarf and a thick jacket and so is Hijikata though he was wearing a blue scarf, he glanced at the other as they sat on the bench sipping some hot cocoa, it was early december that time and its already snowing._

_"Just chillin, its nice to be outside every once in a while you know" he murmured and looked at Hijikata when he noticed that the other was also looking at him._

_"What?"_

_"Why me? there is a lot of people that you know would like to chill with you " he then turned his gaze to his cocoa and blew it before taking a sip and Gintoki turned to face him._

_"Because it feels much nicer when its you"_

_Where the fuck did that come ouuuutt! Gintoki racked his brain for that comment and despite the cold he was sweating, nervous as he studied Hijikata who burrowed his face on his scarf as he looked down at his cup, he can see the flush on his cheeks, for the past months the tension between them had gotten stronger, simple touches already made him aware of how close they are. but Hijikata is such a dense bastard, he was openly flirting at him but the asshole doesn't even see it! like seriously he was dressing nice wearing low neck collars to show his neck or something but still..._

_"Idiot, fuckin ass"_

_"How come i always get an insult from you? here i am pouring my heart out to you"_

_"Pouring your stupidity you mean " he threw the cup on the nearest trash as he lit his cigarette._

_"im serious you know, don't mock Gin-san"_

_"I aint, i just cant take you seriously"_

_"Why? i like you, as shitty as that sounds and i don't know what came to me but i do!"_

_"... i need to go back" he turned to leave throwing his cigarette but Gintoki immediately grabbed his arm as he stopped him_

_"Stop being such a rude bastard and listen to me! you are running again God damn it listen to me!"_

_"NO! let go! i don't wanna hear it! i wanna go home! let go of me! asshole! shitty perm!"_

_"stay put and stop insulting me you sick ba- ugh stop squirming just hear me ou- agh! you! "He grabbed HIjikata by the back of his head turned him around and pulled him into a kiss and that stopped Hijikata from moving, he stiffened stood still unresponsive and GIntoki took that opportunity to kiss him further and he pulled back, pressed his forehead on his own as he stroked his cheeks_

_"Hijikata Toushiro.. I like you... no I love you"_

_he searched for some answer on those gun metal eyes and he saw clearly the confusion on his eyes and fear and he felt him shudder before he fled the scene, GIntoki stood there as he looked at Hijikata's retreating form, he messed up he should have just kept these feelings to himself but he cant contain it anymore it just busted out like that, so sudden ,so unplanned but he was sure HIjikta felt the same way he saw that on his eyes yet there was doubt, maybe he needs time to think._

_...time to think yes, he did give him time to think, but! bullshit its been three weeks, the bastard was purposely avoiding him too like seriously what the hell! he was waiting on the doorway for Hijikata to come out but it seems the asshole was holed up on his room again. "oi bastard open up and talk to me! you-"_

_"Danna?"_

_Gintoki stopped as he looked at the hallways and saw Okita Sougo, he was a former owner of the room next to the yato family, since his school was near the area after he graduated he eventually moved out._

_"Ah Souichiro! "_

_"Sougo, anyways same as usual eh?"_

_"Ah well yeah, why you visited then? oh shit right i was the one that called you come in come in " Gintoki ushered the younger male to follow him, Tsukuyo the one occupying the room that was previously Sougos , now she found out there was a box that belongs to the kid and wanted to return it she gave Gintoki the box to hand it to Sougo. "Here you go" He placed the box on the table and Sougo started to check on the items one by one "oi are you seriously going to check that here!?"_

_"yeah i can just bring what i need, oh by the way I think this is where that bastard stayed as well..."_

_"huh?"_

_"Our Vice.. i mean ex Vice-chief" he smirked and Gintoki blinked_

_"OI, oi dont tell me you actually got the position now?"_

_"Well Hijikata-san resigned two years ago so yeah "_

_"... wait.. wiat wait.. hold on by Hijikata you mean stuck up rude bastard Toushiro?"_

_"oh so you met him already?"_

_"Wait so he was this Vice - chief that you are complaining about!?"he remembered Sougo telling stories before about a certain vice chief that pisses him off and wanted to eliminate his existence he looked at Sougo that was putting away some stuff on his coffee table after inspecting his stuff he handed Gintoki a picture and pointed at a certain person on a group picture. Gintoki looked at the picture and saw Hijikata on his police uniform along with some others, probably a group picture of them in the station._

_"it was Christmas party but he was the only one frowning" sougo added as he resumed searching on the box._

_"Why did he resign?"_

_"I dont know, no one knows really probably Kondo-san knows but he was so tight lip about it, might be confidential .. that guy is dedicated to his work and he wont leave just like that unless there is a big reason and we dont know what that is"_

_"i can see that, but since when did he became a writer?"_

_"he was writing still way back in college, his works usually gets on the school news papers or mags its somewhat like a hobby"_

_Gintoki looked at the other male as he crossed his arms "you seemed to know him a lot"_

_"of course, we kinda almost like grew up together along with Kondo-san, we are both on his kendo school and Hijikata-san is his scholar some sort" Sougo looked at Gintoki as he continued "as Ive heard he was a son of a mistress, when his mother died he was passed along relatives to relatives and sometimes ended up getting abused by some relatives who disliked his mother until one of his brother took him in and actually treated him well, then there was a burglary that happened on the household, his brother died trying to protect him, he kinda blanked and also killed the robbers, his relatives started blaming him for the death of his brother others even claimed he was the killer, but his brother's wife testified that Hijikata-san even protected her from the robbers.. after that he lived on his own out the streets, joining illegal brawling, Kondo-san's father was a cop that time and he kept on catching Hijikata-san but he cant do anything to a minor but to be sent to the juvie which Hijikata-san usually escapes and gets back on his life on the streets, after that Kondo-san also helped and started to befriend him and slowly took him in as a helper on the station or on the kendo school.."_

_Gintoki looked at Sougo as he talked, hearing that is saddening no wonder the bastard is such a .. tch his feelings are mixing now also "... why are you telling me this?" he looked at him and frowned as he saw the smirk that Sougo had._

_"I figured danna would be the one who can help him the most, he really is so pathetic now, hiding from the world, hiding on his books and stories its sickening to be honest, Hijikata-san is a fighter and seeing him giving up like this is pathetic. "_

_"why me?"_

_"i saw you guys three weeks ago, surprising that he is actually your type, well the looks yes but the attitude though"_

_"If you get pass his bad habits and attitude he really is not bad"_

_"arara danna... are you serious with Hijikata-san? its not a fling? now that's new"_

_Gintoki frowned as he looked at Sougo, this kid really knows a lot that its scary already "so what about it? i know i know its stupid, like of all people i fell for that bastard i dont even know why! damn it" he scratched his head as he looked at Sougo carry his box and looked at him._

_"Well you know what danna.. just break that tough wall around him and you might see the exact reason why you liked a bastard like him" he waved his hand as he left._

_._

_._

_._

"are you going to buy some young man?" Gintoki blinked as he looked at the older woman on the shop and chuckled as he looked at the flowers.

"I am totally confused over what kind of flower to get since its all beautiful to be honest " he started to check some of the flowers as he frowned and scratched his head "jeez this is like choosing between strawberry parfait and chocolate parfait "

"you know that you can convey a message through flowers?"

"ah yeah, yeah that flower language something? bluebell for humidity , camllia is for admiration.. ah not sure really not very much informed on that- " he blinked as he saw a dark red carnation being showed to him.

"This one suits you.. "

"Red Carnation? what does this means?"

" it varries really but normally it is for deep love and admiration.. or 'my heart aches for you' earlier you looked like in a very deep thought while thinking of this person i presume"

"mmm.. probably" he looked at the flower and nodded "Ill get those then"

he continued walking looking at the flowers as he frowned "my heart aches for you huh" he murmured as he continued walking, looking around as he squinted at the sun before he continued to walk his mind went back again on that certain time, the time where he had Hijikata for himself.

.

.

.

_Gintoki stood outside Hijikata's apartment the whole morning, the bastard might be hiding from him for three weeks but he knew he would have to leave as well, he knows that this is usually Hijikata's schedule for groceries at the same time he would drop by to his editor. so he stood there with his arms crossed, a vein now popping on his forehead, its already 5:30 PM! his twitching stopped as he heard he click and the slow opening of the door and he saw Hijikata's head poked out of the door and looked at him before he hurriedly closed it and Gintoki immediately put his foot on in between and fuck that hurts like a bitch!_

_"ow! you asshole! don't close the damn door and let me in!"_

_"No way! get your damn foot off!"_

_a vein popped on Gintoki's forehead and placed both hands on the door as he gripped it and forced it open, Hijikata struggling to close it but eventually Gintoki managed to pry it open and once he was inside he closed the door and grabbed both Hijikata's wrist as he forcefully pinned him to the wall and his hands pinned beside his head. "What the hell! Let go of me!"_

_"Not until you hear me out and i get my answer!"_

_"there is no answe-"_

_"Yes there is! God damn it Hijikata there is! i can see that you wanted to be with me as well! why are you holding back?!"_

_"i just dont.. "_

_"why are you so scared!? im not going to leave you, ill stay with you! oi listen to me! look at me asshole! hey.."_

_he looked at Hijikata's gun metal orbs as he stared at him. ".. that's what im scared about.. i was doin' fine before, it was okay and you just have to barge in like a fuckin tornado and messed everything up" he sighed and looked down._

_"Hijikta.." Gintoki called his name and Hijikata looked up only to have his lips covered by Gintoki's own lips , at first he started to squirm and fight back but eventually he calmed down and started to respond on the kiss, Gintoki immediately coaxed him in to get the kiss deeper which he complied and his hold on his wrist loosen as kept on kissing Hijikta until they both pulled back to take a deep breath._

_"You will regret this .. im telling you"_

_"As if i would, don't think that , what made you even think that?!" he hugged the other tightly._

_".. just cause" and as if on cue Hijikata's stomach growl." im hungry"_

_"alright let go out! this is our first date!"_


	3. Chapter 3

"Danna.."

Gintoki stopped on his tracks as he walked, he saw Sougo wave at him on his uniform, probably on duty or slacking its either of the two, and he had grown tall as well, talk about how fast the time is now.

"Yo Souichiro!" then again why is he running in with familiar faces.

"... you are going to visit Hijikata-san?" he eyed the flower as he smirked and crossed his arms "Being romantic now huh danna?" he went and inspected the flower "nice choice"

"How about you try being romantic with Kagura instead"

"Thats really difficult danna"

"thought so... anyways what is it with you, mind your own business oi" he waved pass him and Sougo's gaze followed him.

"Danna... good luck"

Gintoki nodded as he continued walking, he rounded into the corner and hauled a cab and as he went in he gave the directions to the driver and leaned back on his seat he looked out the window as the buildings became a bit blurry.

.

.

.

_"oi, you look like you are about to pass out, get some sleep" Gintoki nudged Hijikata that was typing, they were on bed and Hijikata was sitting down with the laptop on his lap and Gintoki lying next to him._

_"I have to finish this chapter"_

_"Jeez its not like they will kill you if you did not finish it.. come on.. join me in bed" he cooed and ran his hand on the others leg which shivered under his touch and Hijikata glared at him but that did not stop him to run his fingers on his thigh up... and up and .."_

_"OI!" His hand was swatted away as Hijikata scooted away from him._

_"...come on put that away " Gintoki followed and wrapped his arms around his waist, Hijikata was squirming and he was enjoying it, it had been five months since they started going out, it was a bit awkward at first, mostly from Hijikata's side since he was not really a touchy person, so he had to slowly work himself to gain his trust, soft touching, holding hands, slow caresses, though slowly Hijikata had been getting used of his touching that he doesn't mind anymore and gin did the next move, one time he groped Hijikata's ass and that earned him a black eye, the bastard apologized though he said that he acted by impulse and did what he did, he treated the black eye though carefully and he looked really sorry for it that Gintoki could not help but kiss him, that time they went more than their constant make out session, he gave him a blowjob and the look that Hijikata had those time, so damn .. the moans is not helping too. he really wanna go and take him there and then on the couch but a phone call made that moment stop, it was Hijikata's phone and Hijikata being Hijikata picked it up and started to get dressed rushing to his room leaving Gintoki and his Gintoki Jr frustrated the whole day since Hijikata left that day to meet his editor._

_"i need to finish this " he said in almost a whine that and its cute, damn it! what did this guy ever did to him that every small things he do is either cute or amazing. he heard the typing again and he just settled on looking up at the other, observing how his blue gun metal orbs would go from left to right and the way his brow would knit if he made a mistake and his lips lightly pursed when he cant decide what to type next._

_"what are you staring at? its creepy you know" Hijikata murmured as he looked down at him._

_"nothing just your observing your b*llsack of a face"_

_"..tch, says the one with a dick face"_

_"you like this dick face, you like to take the dick to-" he was not able to finish as Hijikata's elbow connected on his face and he closed his laptop "WHY ALL THE VIOLENCE! IM IN RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU! NOT WITH YOUR FIST!" HIjikata just rolled his eyes as he settled on the bed. Gintoki wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer, Hijikata's back is pressed on his chest as they slept, he had been spending more time on Hijikata's apartment that he brought some of his personal stuff already. he leaned and kissed Hijikata's nape and blinked "oh look.."_

_"ow! what the hell!?"_

_he pulled a white strand of hair from the moss of raven locks and showed it to his partner "This is why im telling you to relaxed, you are being an old man now.. Jijikata "_

_Hijikata stared at the strand and his eyes widen for a moment before it turned into slits as he glared "Shut up!_

_he chuckled and nuzzled his face on the crook of his neck "oi.. Gintoki?"_

_"mm?"_

_"you wont regret this right?"_

_"what a stupid question, course not" to prove his point he hugged him tight "go to sleep"_

_That morning Gintoki woke up first he slowly slipped out to bed to prepare a small breakfast. he cooked some eggs and ham and miso soup, a strawberry milk and a mayonnaise is on the table. he crossed his arms and nodded at his handiwork "Hijikata-kuuun!" he called out and blinked, that is rare by now Hijikata would have been up, he was probably tired. he shrugged and went to the living room to watch the morning news he would let him get a long sleep._

_its been almost 2 hours now and Hijikata is still not up, hungry and a bit irritated Gintoki went into the room and saw the other bundled up on his blanket and he sat on the bed "hey asshole stop sleeping when i should be the one sleeping there its not fair" he frowned and looked at him, placing his hand on his arm he slowly shook him "Hijikata? oi" he cupped his face and his eyes widen as he felt Hijikata's hot skin against his own. "What the hell! you are burning! Hijikata .. wake up! oi!" he ran out the room and dashed towards where the Shimura's._

_"Otae! open up!" his knocking was so loud that when Otae was about to punch him but stopped as she saw his expression_

_"Whats wrong Gin-san?"_

_"Hijikata! he had a high fever and i tried waking him up but he wont! "_

_"Let me get my things" she hurriedly grab her bag and followed Gintoki inside._

_"Is he getting proper sleep?"_

_"no, he doesn't have a particular time to sleep" Gintoki sighed as he saw Otae put away her stethoscope._

_"Fatigue, he needs a lot of rest and by LOT means, sleep and eat and bed rest, it seems he loose some weight too.. anything you notice on him?"_

_"No other than being an asshole, he just do what he usually do"_

_"does he have any other complains? like head aches or back pain?"_

_"Head aches i guess, he is not telling me but i can see him sometimes massaging his temple and taking deep breaths "_

_"mmm... ill recommend this medicines" Otae gave him a list and smiled "But if his condition did not improve, its better to call on a doctor, i know a doctor that can help ill give you his phone number in any case, just tell him his beautiful and kind nurse gave it "_

_Gintoki shivered at the words she used to describe herself especially the 'kind' "Thanks.. well five years from now ill probably call Shinpachi instead "_

_"yes, and that's not for free" she smiled and stood up to gather her things "don't look so freaked out, it doesn't suit you Gin-san"_

_"... i .. i just did not know what to do when he was not responding to me earlier"_

_"mmm... i did not think ill see the day that you will look someone the way you look Hijikata-san , i know you dont commit into a relationship, Tsukuyo is still angry at you, well she knows what you are from the start i told her not to expect that much"_

_"i was still too young that time, that was waaay back college she is still angry about that?"_

_"who knows, she was just hurt because you played on her"_

_"I did not! i already told her its not serious" he eyed Otae as she carried her bag and smiled._

_"is that the same thing with Hijikata-san?"_

_"huh?"_

_"dont play dumb everyone in the building already knew you two are together, anyways i hope you don't dump him too after you get bored Gin-san"_

_"Hijikata is different.."_

_"mm... he might be"_

 

.

.

.

Gintoki sighed as he checked his watch, this will be a long ride, his eyes closed again as he rested his head on the window, he was pretty serious about Hijiikata, it even scared him sometimes too, that he would come to the point where he can imagine himself settling down with someone. that damn bastard really. as he recalled when he got sick that time it was hard to keep him bed and sometimes Gintoki caught him typing, scribbling or whatever he was doing which is not included on his said BED REST. though he got well after that and went back to his typing, it was a rainy evening when Gintoki remembered he blurted out something to Hijikata.

.

.

. 

_"hey, Hijikata... wanna get married? "_

_he glanced as he heard choking noises from Hijikata, he frowned as he saw him coughing on his coffee and wiped his lips. "You are hurting my feelings you know, that's not very nice"_

_"w-where did that shit come out from!?" he blinked and looked at Gintoki before resuming his typing._

_"nowhere in particular just a thought that crossed my mind is all like well you know"_

_"I dont know.. i believe we wont even reach that far"_

_"dont be so negative, we will be together until your face would sag with wrinkles" Gintoki leaned over and kissed the other which Hijikata complied and returned the gesture, he stroked his cheeks and frowned "You look thinner, have you been eating well i should feed you more, quit the mayonnaise"_

_"Asshole.." was the last thing Hijikata said as he placed his coffee on the table and wrapped his arms around his lover, Gintoki raised a brow at how unexpectedly clingy the V bangs writer was and of course Gintoki took advantage of that and slowly pushed Hijikata down the couch as he hovered above him, he was becoming less embarrassed every time they do this, the first time they did Hijikata was so red the tomato would be ashamed of its color, but later on as their relationship progressed so is their bedroom life and honestly Gintoki is not complaining about it and he was sure as hell Hijikata feels the same way too especially at how he was arching his back now as he marked his navel, the fingers on his hair and the low moans escaping on his parted lips.they went back on making out until they were both disturbed by a knock on the door, Gintoki did not want to stop and just wanted to ignore it but Hijikata pushed him away as he stood up and panted wiping his lips he went to open the door to see Sougo._

_"the hell you are doin here?"_

_"Kondo-san asked me to deliver this" he handed a card to Hijiikata and Hijikata raised a brow "for his birthday party..." he trailed as soon as he saw Gintoki walked behind Hijikata "...ooh sorry i did not mean to interrupt you guys when you are gonna have sex"_

_"what!?"_

_Sougo pointed at his own neck "so red and fresh, your face still screams 'im horny' does Danna's kisses so intense that it left you plump?"_

_"YOU BASTARD! GET OUT OUT OF HERE! " sougo chuckled, Gintoki just watched and shook his head. "That brat!" he looked at the invitation and frowned_

_"we should go, it sounds fun"_

_A nod._

_"Can i ask you something?"_

_"what?" they walked back to the couch and Hijikata started his nicotine fix as he lit one._

_"Why did you resign as a cop?"_

_"..." Hijikata looked at him and for a moment he was thinking weather he would tell or not, he doesn't know much about Hijikata except the facts that Sougo told him but despite them being together for almost a year now Hijikata is still putting himself inside a wall, he doesn't talk much about his past, he doesn't talk what is bothering him, he doesn't talk whats on his mind he keeps everything to himself and Gintoki wanted to break those walls that keeps Hiikata. "its not like i resigned cause i want too, i have too.. i don't have a choice"_

_"why? what is the reason?"_

_"I cant tell you"_

_"alright" he nodded and wrapped his arms around the other and kissed him, he did not push the issue any further and continued where they left earlier._

_After a week they attended Kondo's party and it was fun, Gintoki met his previous workers and everything after that everything went smoothly okay until one day, Gintoki was reviewing a few documents on the table, they were on his apartment now, he had an on going case now and Hijikata became busier as well, he can see Hijikata's laptop up and running, they are working in silence, currently Hijikata was in the kitchen washing the dishes they used earlier, Gintoki can hear the water and the plates, he reached out for Hijikata's cigarette as he took a drag and continued to scan the files on his table until..._

_CRASH!_

_Gintoki immediately stood up as he heard a loud crash from the kitchen "Hijikata?" he rounded the corner and saw Hijikata sprawled by the sink, broken glass on his side and Gintoki immediately went towards him wincing as he stepped on one of the glass pieces, he lifted him and took him to his bedroom, he called Otae again which led to the same diagnosis. fatigue but he had noticed lately that Hijikata had been coughing a lot and he suggested to go to the doctors but he refused to do so. he is starting to get worried, the bastard was eating less and cant sleep as well._

_"Im a little worry about Hijikata-kun" Otae said one time as she and Gintoki had went up the apartment together_

_"me too, he was cramming with work, his editor kept on returning his works and saying its not good enough do this and that, and he was close to the deadline as well.."_

_"but skipping meals is still a no, no kindly remind him of that" she smiled and went to her own apartment, Gintoki shrugged and opened Hijikata's apartment door, he went and sat beside him as he handed him a burger "extra mayo as requested"_

_"just put it there"_

_he placed it beside the table "Also you know what i saw this nice restaurant earlier, i thought that you might actual like it there a-"_

_"Gintoki.."_

_"mmmm?"_

_"Lets let's end this "_


	4. Chapter 4

"Woah!" Gintoki gasped as he car suddenly stopped and he was nearly thrown out of his seat.

"What happened old man?"

"a speeding car suddenly popped from the intersection, sorry about that"

"Its okay, seriously these bastards with fancy cars.." he muttered as he leaned back on his seat and sighed, that snapped him back to his thoughts .. he glanced at the carnation he was carrying and sighed, how many times did he sigh now? he cant even count. the cab slowly reared to life again as the ride continued and Gintoki leaned on the seat as he closed his eyes.

.

.

.

 

_"Let's end this..."_

_"..."_

_"ahahah! oi! oi Hijikata, thats not really funny, you are trying to humor me are you? you almost got me there" he laughed nervously as he heard no response on Hijikata and he felt the cold sweat dripping on his temple, Hijikata looked serious and he blinked as HIjikata looked away and did not answer him. "Are.. you for real?"_

_"Just get out i dont wanna see you"_

_"Why?! whats this all of a sudden, are you on your PMS again!?"_

_"Shut up! i said leave just leave!" he pointed at the door as he stood up, Gintoki followed him, he was angry, where the fuck is this shit coming out now? why so sudden., what did he do wrong?_

_"did i do something wrong? at least tell me and not drop a c5 bomb news on me!"_

_"Its not your fault .. just its better this way "_

_"Better my ass! is this is some sort of a 'News flash Gin-san is single!' like hell i will accept such thing, not until i get a proper explanation!"_

_"Fine! i dont like you anymore!"_

_"BULLSHIT!" with that said he grabbed his head and kissed him which the other returned eagerly despite what he said earlier and his hand clutched at his shirt that he was sure it wrinkled, Gintoki breathed out as they parted and nipped at Hijikata's lower lip._

_"for someone who is breaking up you are clinging to me like a life line" he murmured and felt Hijikata buried his face on his chest._

_"... you should have just got mad and left me"_

_"you know i wont do that, whats this really? why are you pushing me away now"_

_"you dont understand.."_

_"then let me understand.. Toshirou.. whats wrong?"_

_"I.. Gintoki, im.. "_

_"Are you pregnant?! is that why you are lea-agH!" he clutched his jaw as he almost heard it crack after Hijikata punched him, okay he deserved that one, but for some reason whatever Hijikata was trying to say he did not want to hear, he know he was contradicting what he said earlier but when he saw Hijikata's face and his voice, he was scared.. whatever it was that he was trying to say he knew.. he knew it will bring a big difference into their life and for once Gintoki was scared to know what it was though he was already suspecting something._

_"Bastard!" Hijikata spat as he flopped back on the couch and Gintoki followed nuzzled his face on his nape "oi,i was just trying to lighten the mood "Hey.. i love you asshole" he whispered and he felt the heat on the tips of Hijikata's ear._

_._

_._

_._

_._

 

"Sir...excuse me?"

"mmm..?"

"we already arrived "

"Oh! i haven't notice, thanks pops" he handed the driver the bill as he walked out the car and looked at the huge gates, he walked inside and looked around as nodded, the place improved since the last visit he made here, the flowers varies on different colors. there are more benches as well than it did five years ago, he nodded satisfied as he walked towards the stairway leading up to the hill, there are few people today, probably because it was weekdays, he remembered him and Hijikata visited this place too when it recently opened, the park was huge and it was constructed very well, there are a lot of activities as well, Hijikata being Hijikata was complaining how stupid this and that, and wanted to go home that time but of course he did not allow it and even carried the bastard like a sack of potato up to the hill where a small man made shrine was. Gintoki looked at the shrine and his eyes scanned on the Cherry blossom that lined there, he started to scan the trees and smirked "Ah there it is" he looked at the cherry blossom that was on the far end of the temple and he opened his back pack laid a picnic cloth and sat down, he felt around the ground and took out the small shovel he brought as he started digging beside the tree.

 

.

.

.

.

_"... What bullshit is this?" Hijikata asked as he looked at Gintoki that was digging on the ground, Hijikata puffed a cloud of smoke as he crossed his arms._

_"how about you help?"_

_"how about No? do you realize this is something not to be done on public properties? there is a sign not to touch anything and you are digging there like a dog, are you gonna shit?"_

_"OI! that's a lot of insult in one sentence you asshole! and who cares! you are not a cop now so i wont listen to you "_

_Hijikata growled as he stood there, Gintoki looked up to him, they are currently having a picnic and he was preparing for this for a while now "Hijikata.. do you know what a time capsule is?"_

_"ha? "_

_"we are making one now, i am really fascinated about the thought of time machines and i read this somewhere"_

_"what about it?" he saw those blue gun metal orbs widen as he shoved a pen and paper to him._

_"Lets write a message for each other to our future self.. ill write something for future Hijikata-kun and you do the same for me then after five or maybe six years or whenever we feel like it we can dig it up again and read it " he smirked and looked at Hijikata who looked a bit upset as he held the paper. "not liking it?"_

_"too much high school vibes on this... but fine whatever"_

_Gintoki was surprised that Hijikata immediately agreed to do this, they sat far away at each other as they wrote for each other. Gintoki would casually glance at Hijikata who was seriously writing he was just writing 'quit smoking and drop the mayonnaise consumption and i bet you are fat now just random stuff but even when he was already done he waited for the mayora to be done and once he was over it was handed to him, folded neatly he took the letters and put it inside the small capsule and buried it on the hole that he dug._

_"Now in the future we will return here and read this letter"_

_"what if you go back alone?"_

_"of course not, ill drag your sorry ass as well" he stood up and stepped on the ground. "there.. hopefully it will be there when we get back"_

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.

.

"In the end im the only one who got back here" he murmured as he continued to dig the ground, now a bit frustrated, someone might have got it maybe? its been more like six years or so he dug on the ground and blinked as he heard a thud and continued to dig until he saw the blue container, after a few minutes of digging he finally pulled the thing up and wiped it clean he wrapped a towel around it and put it inside his bag pack and sat down, took a sandwich that was left over from yesterday he was too lazy to cook so this will do. he checked his phone and blinked as he saw the wallpaper, stolen picture of Hijikata while sleeping.

"Ugh... you said you will get over it but the bastard is everywhere!" he scratched his head as he looked at the texts he got, nothing out of ordinary, he shoved it back on his pocket as he stood up and folded the cloth, after he re arranged his stuff he went down the hill and looked around, its starting to get gloomy.

.

.

.

.

_"Are you okay?" Gintoki knocked on the bathroom door a bit worried as he heard Hijikata coughing and it sounds like he was hacking his lungs out._

_"m'fine"_

_"i told you to get a check up"_

_"i did" he stepped back as Hijikata went out the bathroom looking pale. as he wiped his chin. "They said its a cold, flu whatever " he rubbed his forehead as he staggered his way on the living room. Gintoki is really started to get worried as he looked at him and sat next to him._

_"Mayora.. " he closed the lap top and looked at him "rest" they did a staring contest as Hijikata glared and he sighed and nodded and helped him back to the bed. Hijikata raised a brow as he looked at the other_

_"why are you still here?"_

_"ha?"_

_"Are you stupid? dont you have a seminar to attend to?"_

_"ah shit! " he stood up immediately, he was already dressed and preparing when Hijikata started hacking, he stood still and looked at Hijikata who waved his hand to shoo him._

_"Im fine , go ahead ill wait for you"_

_he walked back and bend as he kissed his forehead, Hijikata flicked his ear as he smirked "im going to sleep go away you stink"_

_"said the one who did not brush his teeth yet"_

_"... I ALREADY DID! "_

_"okay chill, just teasing " he chuckled and dodged the pillow thrown at him as he left the place and he picked up his phone and started to sort the folders on the table._

_"Where are you!?"_

_Takasugi's voice greeted him and he chuckled as he set his papers "im on my way"_

_"By 'im on my way' you mean you are still going to shower"_

_"of course not im just.. uh arranging stuff" he murmured as he shoved everything on his bag and looked around the apartment spotting the carton of milk he bought earlier for the trip he threw it inside his bag_

_"hurry up! we will leave in the next 20 minutes!" the phone disconnected and he scoffed, what else is he missing? "ah pain killers!" listening to this and that is such a head ache. where did he put it.. he looked around and groaned. he went to the bedroom and opened the door, he saw Hijikata stirred and lifted his head to look at him._

_"Sorry to disturb you princess but did you see where my pain killers are?"_

_"nmm... take back what you said and i might reconsider"_

_"then ill disturb you"_

_"Not that! the princess! do you want me to kill you!?"_

_"i almost forgot you are as snappy woman on menopausal stage when disturbed in sleep" he murmured and heard a hissed 'What' from Hijikata and shook his head. " I said does his highness know where my pain killers are"_

_"on the kitchen cupboard third from the right "_

_"Thanks, ill be going now"_

_"yeah, get lost"_

_"Asshole"_

_He closed the door as he rushed to the kitchen opened the cupboard and grabbed the bottle and some chips as well before tossing it on his bag and left the apartment. he slung his bag as he dialed Takasugi's number informing that he was on his way and to wait for him, though in the end he was almost left and had to chase the god damn car. the seminar was boring as always, he was sure he slept halfway through it and was being nudged by Takasugi. he just cant wait for it to be done and over with, its just for a day but his head is hurting like a bitch already with all this , he would rather lay down on his apartment or snuggle with Hijikata while pissing him off yeah, that sounds better, thats why he was a freelance lawyer, no firm whatsoever he just had to work for himself and if there was no client he was still doing his small yorozuya business anyways. upon arriving home that day he flopped on the couch and threw his bag on the coffee table spilled the contents on the floor and table_

_"Tiiireeed"_

_"Gin-san can you please don't make too much mess here"_

_"Its my apartment, i do what i want"_

_"sure, but its me who is cleaning after your mess" Shinpachi grumbled as he picked up the papers and the other stuff that littered on the floor._

_"Where is kagura?"_

_"Out with her brother" GIintoki frowned and looked at Shinpachi lazily as he shifted on his position and looked at Shinpachi cleaning his mess._

_"uh Gin-san.. why do you have this?" Shinpachi raised the bottle of pills and had a weird frown on his face, Gintoki had to squint his eyes to look at the bottle_

_"Oh that, i accidentally grabbed the wrong medicine, i thought it was my pain killers and brought it with me, i just realized ts a different bottle when i read the label, Hijikata's pain killers and vitamins what so ever was a mess on the cupboard "_

_"uh, do you know what this medicines are for Gin-san?"_

_"huh.. no, whats it for?" he frowned as he looked at Shinpachi who looked a bit frustrated at the same time sad and .. what the hell "oi patsuan whats that for? why the long face?"_

_he read the label further as he looked at the bottle on his hand and he blinked "im not sure but these medicines are for..."_

 

.

.

.

.

"Gin-san?"

Gintoki stopped walking as he reached the bottom of the hill and blinked as he saw the person who just called him "Otae? what are you doing here?"

"My friends and i visited the place, we are looking for a good venue for the reception of.. well you know'

"oh! yes yes, you will get married with the Gorilla, damn when you meet your destined Gorill- ugH!" he groaned as he was punched in the stomach and he rubbed his belly. this woman never changed,he wondered how Kondo would survive but then again that crazy gorilla stalker the only one can handle Otae.

"you still like to make unnecessary comments Gin-san, what are you doing here by the way?" she asked as he looked ta his clothes and the red carnation that he was carrying and she suddenly realized. "Oh you will visit him finally?"

"finally earned the courage to face him.. yeah"

"Im happy for you, he must be waiting for too long from your visit" she smiled at him and then looked down "it was unexpected.. for that to happen.. its really a.."

"Otae, its okay"

"he is such a brave guy to be fighting that "

"I know" he nodded and blinked as Otae patted his shoulder.

"Tell him i said hi"

he nodded and they parted way after that, Gintoki looked at the flowers that he was carrying as he walked, and stooped by the convenience store, he looked around and went to he condiments section, he stared at the line of mayonnaise on the shelf and he smirked a bit before he picked one and went to bought it, he would be needing this for peace offering. as he walked out of the store. he can remember the day clear as before upon how he had confronted Hijikata about it, about the medicine.

 

 

_._

_._

_._

_._

_"... why are you so quiet? its creepy" Hijikata said as he doused his food with crazy amount of mayonnaise and started eating._

_"really?"_

_"there really is something wrong with you .. whats up?"_

_"nothing"_

_"tell that crap to your sugar princess"_

_Gintoki sighed as he looked at him "isn't it you who had something to tell instead?_

_"What do you mean? i dont know what you are talking about"_

_Sighing Gintoki placed the bottle of medicine on the table and Hijikata's eyes widen as he stared at it, neither of the two spoke, Hijikata was so frozen on his seat and Gintoki doesnt even know how to start the conversation regarding about this, he felt a bit guilty to break it like this to Hijikata but he cant sit still as well knowing that his lover was... he clenched his fist as he looked at him._

_"Why did you not tell me?"_

_"... i tried... i just .. dont know how to tell it to you" he murmured and looked down "i'll understand if you are going to end this i don't want to be a burd-" he did not finish what he said as Gintoki made his way towards him and hugged him tightly_

_"Idiot! why would i do that?! especially now! damn it Toshiro! i.. i should have noticed im such an idiot!"_

_"I dont really intend for this to happen thats wh-"_

_"is this the reason why you tried to break up with me before? "_

_"can you like not cut me off while im talking, it kinda pisses me off" he said with a frown and Gintoki blinked before he sighed "like i said this is why i told you from the start you will regret this"_

_"What bullshit is that? does my face looks like i regretted anything?! i regret nothing oi Ougushi-kun despite your violence tendencies and bad habits i still put up with you"_

_"dont speak as if you dont have bad habits too! "_

_"see you are getting angry again.."_

_"... i am not, sorry well , like i said i dont want to burden you on this coming months but you are so stubborn to stay " he groaned and sighed "even though i knew that ill be leaving you i still..."_

_"no.. you are not, im going to see your b*llsack of a face wrinkling in old age okay?" he looked at Hijikata who gave him a sad smile as he stroked Gintoki's cheek and said._

_"You know that no one had survive the White plague Gintoki.."_


	5. Chapter 5

_"What do you want for dinner?"_

_Gintoki looked up from his paperwork and looked at Hijikata that was standing across the table with his blue apron on and his eyes roamed his figure._

_"You, only in that blue apron"_

_Hijikata's cheek flushed despite the frown he was wearing he waived the knife that he was carrying which Gintoki did not notice he had in the first place._

_"what was that again?"_

_"a-anything as long as you made it.. uh fried fish?"_

_"okay" he turned and walked to the kitchen, from the dinning table Gintoki can see him preparing the food and he observed him, he really lose weight its been two months since he found out that Hijikata was sick and lately he looked tired. he still cant believe that Hijikata was sick with that white plague shit.. and he should have listened to Shinpachi while he was blabbering on that before. Hijikata assured him though that it as not a transmittable decease. it did not seem fair, why of all people it had to be him. Hijikata also told him it was the reason why he had resign from work. the first attack of the sickness was when they were in a raid and he had a splitting head ache and was not able to fight properly causing him to got severely injured, as he was checked on the hospital thats where they found out and Kondo is the only one who knew and Hijikata asked for it to kept a secret, he knew he can still work and can be effective still but due to this and the policy he had no choice but to resign._

_"Ill add some stir fry vegetable?"_

_"yeah sure"_

_He looked at the papers on his table before his eyes swept back to Hijikata and he frowned clenching his fist as he stood he marched towards him and hugged him from behind, he felt a small flinch from the other._

_"What?"_

_"nothin, just wanna bother you?"_

_"Well you are doin it right, dont blame me if you felt a knife stickin out your gut"_

_"so rude.." he whispered and rested his chin on his shoulder as he nuzzled him, his eyes watching how he was slicing the vegetables before it roamed up on his arm and neck up to his jaw where he planted a small kiss as he pressed his body closer to him and he started to nibble on his ear,biting and pulling, licking his lobe and he can feel the shiver that racked Hijikata's body and he did not hear the continues chop from the vegetables rather he heard soft pants. he ran his fingers on the raven locks and he paused as he stared at his head, behind the black mass of raven locks he saw a few white streaks as he lifted his hair up and he gritted his teeth as he pressed his forehead on Hijikata's head who tilted as he looked back to him_

_"whats wrong?"_

_"nothin.. i just reallized that you stink"_

_"im batting that shit right back at you" he hissed and continued his work, Gintoki frowned as he looked at his hair, those white streaks are not that visible yet since it was hidden ... for now._

_The dinner was good and the night went nice as well, he and Hijikata had watched a movie and apparently they did not finish since well, to put it simply he cant put his hands to himself._

_Gintoki woke up that night because of some noises, and he slowly opened his eyes to glance at the digital clock on the bedside table "3:45..." he was too tired to be waking up that early , he rolled over and wrapped his arms around Hijikata but his eyes snapped open as he felt the empty space beside him and he sat up "Hiji-" his eyes widen as he heard a loud coughing coming from the bathroom and he sat up grabbed his pants as he wore them and tried to open the door to the bathroom but it was locked._

_"Damn it! Hijikata open the damn door!"_

_"c- haa.. no.. " his words were cut off by hard coughs and Gintoki can hear the labored breathing and damn it! he sounded like he was gonna cough his lungs out. frowning Gintoki used all his strength to bust the door open as he slammed his body against it only to see Hijikata kneeling against the toilet his hands covering his mouth where an excesses amount of blood was spilling, there is just too much blood. he rushed and knelt beside him as he rubbed his back and grabbed the towel "here.. here" he pressed the towel on his mouth as the coughing continued and it was louder than before, Gintoki figured Hijikata was holding his voice down as not to wake him up. and the cough sounded so wrong... and painful accompanied by his labored breathing._

_"so..sorry i-"_

_"shh no, its okay just rest" he breathed heavily as he tried to calm himself and Gintoki can feel his trembling and all he could do is hug him tightly until Hijikata fell asleep on his arms and he wiped the blood on his chin , hands lips and carried him back to bed after changing his clothes and he pushed back the raven locks only to see more of those white strands appearing._

_"damn it!"_

_The next morning Hijikata did not wake up on his usual time and it worried Gintoki, he called Otae and told him about the situation and she was shocked and immidiately recommended a doctor she knew who specialized for this sickness._

_"It seems that the medicines cant hold it back anymore" he murmured after he checked Hijikata, they are still on the apartment and Kyoshiro the doctor visited, he was a good guy and Gintoki is starting to like him, well there are doctors who is full of shit, thats why he was always telling Shinpachi to be a good doctor. "Im going to prescribe him a new medicine which is much more had a stronger effect than the ones he was currently taking" he handed Gintoki a paper. "Its much more expensive than the previous one, this was lately developed too and some patients had already prescribed this, and like before, this medicine is not guaranteed to cure him but it will slow the process of the virus spreading on his body, but also this will take a huge toll on his body"_

_Gintoki looked at the paper and back to Hijikata "I dont mind the expenses really but.. is there really no other way?"_

_"Im sorry, up until now we are unable to find the cure, its a very strange sickness and we knew little of it day by day. for now thats the only way"_

_"Gin-chan"_

_Kagura called out, he and Shinpachi had been worried about him, Kagura even wanted to punch him for working hard, researching and doing the yorozuya from time to time, he needed money there might be a possibility of an operation to be done as well and he cant let Hijikata only use his own savings, he is not writing anymore, he barely finished Momento Mori.. it was still submitted and everything is jus- "Gin-chan/san"_

_he blinked as he looked back to see Shinpachi and Kagura looking at him "Its okay Gin-chan you really need to rest, Mayora would say you look like a poop if he sees you"_

_"kagura thats really.. anyways Gin-san if you need help or anything we are just here for you, we would help in anyway we could " Shinpachi smiled and Kagura nodded, Gintoki looked at them and smiled as he set his papers down_

_"i haven't paid your salary yet"_

_"Its okay Gin-san, you never pay us anyways there is actually no difference on that besides you need the money now so its okay if you dont pay us"_

_"Well you dont have to pay Shinpachi but pay me at least Gin-chan"_

_"Oi! we are supposed to be helping here!"_

_"Im just trying to be realistic! if you dont want the money ill take the salary for the both of us! gh!" and they started to rumble around the apartment and Gintoki sighed as he waved his hand_

_"cut it out, cut it out! ahh! you spilled coffee on my files!" and thus the loud argument happened on the apartment that night._

_._

_._

_._

 

"Gin-san.. "

Gintoki stopped as he looked at Shinpachi wearing his glasses still but he had a lab coat now and is a certified doctor. he actually look cool with the white garb, he waved and walked towards him

"Are you here to visit-"

"Yes, yes i am, i just want a small chat.. i heard that the old hag overworked again"

"yeah.. but still as healthy as the lion" they walked in silence as they headed to the room, Shinpachi looked at him and did not say anything before showing him the room "ah here it is, ill attend to some patients ill be right back, oh just drop by my office i have something to give you" the young doctor left and Gintoki frowned

"tch.. he looks and sounds so cool and mature it irritates me "

with a sigh he looked at the door and knocked before he opened the door and peeked inside.

"Arent you suppose to open it after you are given a permission to come in, natural perm"

"My, My still nagging as always oi, getting twice your age now huh old hag?"

"look who is talking arent you an old man yourself Gintoki"

Gintoki smiled a bit as he sat on the chair and looked at the patient on the bed. "tch, probably, how was your back?"

Otose smiled as she shifted on the bed and looked at Gintoki as she took note of the flowers. "Im sure those arent for me right?"

Gintoki looked at the flowers and frowned as he divided the bouquet and placed half of them on the vase. "heard that you fell on the chair while cleaning? bad fall huh, why are you even cleaning ,Catherine and Tama is there " he sighed and crossed his arms as silence enveloped them, no one spoke and they enjoyed being in each other's presence until Otose spoke up.

"finally visiting him?"

"tch.. you just avoided my question"

"well, are you?"

"uh that well.. i think i will be able to manage now , i supposed"

"i hope its not a fail attempt and you will end up chickening and go back drinking yourself out"

Gintoki sighed as he stood up and frowned "i made up my mind, seems he is angry at me he is even causing domestic violence in my dreams, bastard" he murmured and looked at his fingers as he sighed and looked at his ring finger where a silver band was resting, it was just a plain and simple silver ring.

.

.

.

 

_"Give me your hand"_

_Hijikata raised a brow as he looked at Gintoki, he was sitting on the bed and resting after he took his medicine._

_"What for?"_

_"Just give it to me " Gintoki offered his hand as he waited, Hijikata stared at him probably thinking he will pull off a prank but he slowly reached out and place his hand oh his open palm "I swear if you try something funny ill break your fingers"_

_"yes, yes " he looked at his hand and he slowly slipped a silver ring on Hijikata's ring finger before kissing the back of his hand. he looked up to see Hijikata's wide eyes and looked at him, blinking and confused which is by the way so cute especially now that his cheeks is flaming red._

_"Y-You bastard! w-whats this?"_

_"A ring?"_

_"I know that! i mean.. why? uh i dont understand this all of a sudden you-"_

_"is it obvious i wanna put that on your finger cause i wanna be with you, its not really expensive and i just saw that while i was selling some stuff its a second hand type but i know you dont like those fancy frufru stuffs as well so i figured you mi- .. oi" he blinked as he felt Hijikata's arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace and he could not help but flush, you see Hijikata is not a romantic person, thats most likely his line, there are only rare times where Hijikata would show this side of him which Gintoki really treasures, well being hugged without a punch is a good thing right?_

_"what now you've gone silent? look at those red ears .. hey look we are matched" he intertwine their fingers where Gintoki showed his own band and pressed a kiss on his forehead._

_"Gintoki... thank you.."_

_._

_._

_._

_"_ Gintoki"

"huh?"

"You've gone silent for a few minutes now'

"oh. sorry i was thinking hard whether there was toilet paper left on the bathroom or should i buy now" he stood up and looked at Otose that was looking at him "I need to go now, dont go cleaning stuff anymore Catherine there anyways " he nodded as he waved a hand to her before leaving the room, he hated hospitals and it left a bitter feeling on his heart every time he walks on these white halls, he really hate hospitals.

.

.

 

_"that's stupid, who freezes in the middle of the street when you see a car 5 miles away from you!" Gintoki pointed at the tv as he and Hijikata watched some movies. they have both a bowl of popcorn for themselves, Gintoki is caramel and Hijikata with mayonnaise. he looked at Hijikata as he rubbed his eyes and looked at the screen with a blank look that he usually sees him on and he slowly nudged his shoulder._

_"wanna go to bed?"_

_Hijikata shook his head as he looked at him and plopped the popcorn on his mouth before turning back to the TV. Gintoki reached out and ran his fingers on_  
_the raven locks that was now streaking with white locks, it was already visible and he frowned as he ran his fingers through them not noticing that Hijikata was observing him until he spoke up._

_"Is it ugly?"_

_"huh?"_

_"My hair.. its ugly"_

_Gintoki frowned as he looked at the other and sighed before pressing his lips on his head "its not, i dont see any difference aside from the color its still a V bangs no matter what you do"_

_"tch.." he turned away and return back to the movie as Gintoki continued to brush his hair, he cant help but keep on touching Hijikata these past few days, holding his hand, hugging him, simple touches meant a lot to him, he is romantic yes but not to this extent where he is almost clinging to him, Hijikata lets him , but there times when he was incredibly irate even though he did not do anything, dont get him wrong the bastard was always irate but this kind of irate is two times worse, effects of the medicine as well as the doctor advice, emotionally unstable so when Hijikata threw the plate on his face he managed to dodge, nothing changed anyways even before all this sickness fiasco Hijikta was already throwing stuff at him. his mood swings are hard to handle but he knew he had to be patient. he knew Hijikata might be also having an inner turmoil for all of this._

_they were able to manage things despite that, Hijikata even finished the book and was already ready for publishing. it was summer and they went to a festival that time, well they were not supposed to go but Hijikata insisted he was okay and he wanted to go out. Gintoki for some reason cant deny this request as his lover rarely requests to go out, despite his warnings Hijikata brushed them off and shoved a folded white yukata on his chest as he flushed muttering a 'wear this' before proceeding to his room to probably get change, Gintoki looked at the yukata and unfolded it he smiled as he started to get change and he looked at himself on the mirror and saw that the yukata was really nice, its white and the blue swirls on the hem of it made the article look nice, it was simple but very pleasing. Hijikata went out in a grey yukata, there is no design or whatsoever but it suits him though he wore a bonnet to hide his hair and Gintoki frowned at that, he walked and removed it. "You look ridiculous with it"_

_"I look more ridiculous with this" he murmured and tried to grab the bonnet but Gintoki threw it across the room and ran his hand on the now black and white tresses, it already mingled and his hair looked like a black canvas painted with white._

_"You look okay, think of it as a cosplay or some sort , oh thanks by the way i like it.. " he raised his hand to emphasize the kimono and Hijikata nodded_

_"I had it specifically made.. for some reason i dreamed of you wearing that with one sleeve off, it looks ridiculous but very fitting for you, its like that kimono is specifically made for you, blue and silver suits you"_

_Gintoki contemplated for a moment as he looked at the other ".. black and gold suits you, now lets go! "_

_they walked to the shrine and as expected there are a lot of people already and they made their way to the stalls and brought some stuff, they brought masks , both of it tied around the side of their head , HIjikata got a tengu mask and Gintoki got himself a Kitsune mask. Gintoki started to survey the sweets stands as he bought a sweet apple and Hijikata eating his mayo doused takoyaki. he had a huge mayonnaise pillow that Gintoki won over a shooting game, he almost spent his allowance for the night but it was worth it after seeing the bastard's face lit up like a fuckin christmas tree as he handed the pillow to him and until now he was not letting go of the damn thing which is really adorable._

_"oh look! tanabata tree" Gintoki pointed at the bamboo tree with colorful papers hanging on it. they walked towards it and grabbed a piece of paper and pen to wrote their wishes. Hijikata finished first and hung his paper and Gintoki followed suit._

_"what did you wish for?" Hijikata asked as he looked at him._

_"Time...more time.." he looked back at Hijikata "and you? what did you wish for?"_

_"Happiness.. your happiness"_

_They blinked as they heard the loud boom in the sky and Gintoki gasp "Shit, its the fireworks! we need to get to a good spot!" he looked around and dragged Hijikata up where they can see the colorful display "This is a lot nicer than last year"_

_"is it?"_

_"Yeah have you seen it last year?"_

_"No, i was working.."_

_"... what the hell seriously! "_

_"This is my first time going on festival.. its nice, i wanna experience it before-"_

_"indeed it is nice" Gintoki cut him off immediately not liking the next words that Hijikata was about to say "we will go each year okay? then we can see more and new stuffs " Hijikata hugged the pillow tightly as he looked up where his face was illuminated with the colorful lights, and instead of watching the fireworks he watched Hijikata who noticed this, he tilted his head and a smile crossed his face before he looked up again. GIntoki smiled and reached out to held his hand as he looked up as well, they enjoyed the silence as they looked at the fireworks and Gintoki can feel that Hijikata was slowly leaning into him until he felt his whole body leaned into him and the mayonnaise pillow was dropped on the ground and so is Hijikata's body, Gintoki immediately moved as he caught him before he hit the ground_

_"Hijikata! oi!" he patted his face and his eyes widen as he saw the blood trailing on his nose and hearing the very shallow breathing had him in panic and he carried him grabbed the pillow as he rushed down the hill._

_"He is stable.. it seems he had trouble breathing, i suggest for him to stay so that we can do further tests on him " said Kyoshiro as he looked at Gintoki, it started raining outside and Gintoki frowned as he went inside the room, as he closed the door behind him he looked at the bed where Hijikata was lying and as the thunder roared the flash of lightning illuminated the dimly lit room and Gintoki stared in horror as he saw an image, the same room and same position the difference was someone dressed heavily with dark robes and bandages all over a silver haired person that was holding a staff. he was looking down on Hijikata and as the lighting fade and so is the image , faster than a scene transition but Gintoki was able to see it clearly. the silent room was only filled by the echos of the loud rain outside he felt bad for the people on the festival, he grabbed a chair and sat next to Hijikata as he frowned and held his hand bringing it to his lips to place a soft kiss on the back of it and he held his hand tightly._

_"i need more time... we need more... not yet, im not ready yet..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Thank you for the positive feedbacks!!  
> im currently working on this and determined to finish this as well 
> 
> also a side note: Gintoki saw the Enmi on Hijikata's side when the lightning flashed, it kind symbolizes a reaper or some sort. since this story was supposed to took place on the Forever Yorozuya movie ill just drop some things form there and the anime it self. more like think of it as their past lives :)


	6. Chapter 6

Walking out of Otose's room and into the hallways of this hospital is making him sick, he wanted to leave this place as soon as possible. he walked and walked until he reached the doors and breathed out as he finally reached the main door. "Hospitals really sucks jeez" he rubbed his head as he looked around and continued walking, hauling another cab he went inside and told the driver where to go. he looked at the Hospital again and sighed running his fingers on his silver locks as he leaned on the chair. the heavy feeling on his heart is still lingering as he looked at the buildings that he passes by as the car drove, just like otose said he might just go there but will go home without even meeting him, he had done that a lot of times but now he had build up the courage to go.. he would do it.   
  
  
  
_Its been four days since the festival incident and Hijikata is still asleep, he was unmoving on the bed and its scary to look at, the only assurance Gintoki can cling into is the beeping of the machine that was in sync with his heart beat, with that at least he can confirm that Hijkata is still breathing. people visited from time to time , Hijikata's previous co workers once visited, otose and the rest of the tennats at the apartment building dropped by, but mostly Shinpachi and Kagura since they bought him stuff to use since he did not leave the hosptal yet until Hijikata woke up and the kids understood it. he was sitting on the side of the bed and had a wet cloth wiping Hijikata's forehead and neck as he looked at him "Wake up asshole.. its been four days oi thats too much sleep" he murmured and stroked his cheeks as he looked at him, wanting nothing more than to see that gun metal blue eyes looking at him. sighing he sat back down the chair beside the bed as he watched over Hijikata until he fell asleep._  
  
 _Gintoki slowly stirred as he felt something on his head, eyes adjusting on the dark he slowly looked around and he felt rather saw Hijikata that was running his fingers on his silver curls petting him some sort and he immidiately sat up_  
  
 _"Hijikata!.. how are you? do you need anything? img goin g to call the doctos" he was about to leave but Hijikata grabbed his sleeve and shook his head._  
  
 _" 'mfine.. water"_  
  
 _Gintoki looked around and grabbed the bottle of water helping Hijikata to drink after that Hijikata looked at the wires hooked on his wrists and hs nose which made him frown._  
  
 _"DOnt even think about removing that or ill cut your mayonnaise supply" he threatened and Hijikata sighed as he flopped on the bed and looked around. "here you go" Gintoki handed him the mayonnaise shapped pillow that he won over the festival which Hijikata eagerly accepted as he hugged it and groaned. "How are you feeling?"_  
  
 _"Like shit.."_  
  
 _"You look like one too.. so you better get all the rest and lets get outta here"_  
  
 _"look who is talking...you look like shit too, did you even sleep?"_  
  
 _"do you think i would be able to get a bueaty rest when you are snoring for four days?" he saw the gun metal blue orbs widen as realization hit him._  
  
 _"Ive been out for four days?"_  
  
 _"Yeah, im quite jealous on how long that sleep was but .. dont do that again"_  
  
" _Sorry.."_  
  
 _"Oi why are you apologizing thats really creepy you know!" Gintoki started to peel some oranges as he sat on the bed and looked at Hijikata. "if you are thinking you are troubling me or some shit, then no. so just shut up and rest" he reached out and ran his fingers on Hijikata's hair and handed him a piece of orange which he ate. he looked around and saw the gifts on the bedside table and frowned_  
  
 _"Oh those, some of the peeps bought them all, they visisted you " he looked at him and nodded._  
  
 _"i see" he nodded and looked at Gintoki as he ate another piece of orange that was offered to him, he and gintoki spent all time, talking and Kyoshiro would drop by from time to time to check on him. everything seemed going smoothly and the medications helped to improve Hijikata's health a little bit. despite that there was no improvement and its even getting worse. Gintoki sees the doctors and nurses come and go, he saw them inject this and that and the words they say seems to fade on his ears as he focused on looking at Hijikata taking it all, the different tests, medications and sometimes Gintoki just wanted to stop these people but he cant._

 

  
_He listened at the continues beeping of the machine indicating that Hijikata is still breathing and alive. he pushed back the now white locks as he stroked his face and Hijikata slowly stirred and opened his eyes looking at him Gintoki blinked and smiled._   
  
_"Oh. did i wake you up? go back to sleep"_   
  
_"... how are you?"_   
  
_"eh? me? im fine, im fine i should be the one asking you that you know" he continued to stroke his cheek to reassure him that he was fine and Hijikata nuzzled at the hand as he closed his eyes._   
  
_"...m'fine, sorry for troublin' you.. you are always here.. im takin' too much of your time"_   
  
_Gintoki frowned and brought his hand up as he kissed the back of it, before he stroked it carefully. "What are you talking about, stupid, ill give you more than my time, so dont apologize, focus on yourself okay, get better so we can get outta here and back to our home"_   
  
_"yeah... i wanna go home.. they dont have mayonnaise here , they wont give me mayonnaise too.." he complained and pouted a bit, Gintoki chuckled as he went and grabbed something from the drawers and smirked._   
  
_"Look what i found Ougushi-kun.." he waved the mayonnaise in front of him and Hijikata reached out to grab it_

_"Fuck give it to me im having withdrawal problems .. i cant smoke either!"_  
  
 _"Of course you wont! as if id allow that as well!"_  
  
"tch saggy old mom.."  
  
" _what!?" Gintoki hit his head lightly and smiled a bit, he seemed energetic today thats unusual, normally Hijikata is just indulging him with small talk, but to argue like this he kinda missed it. he reached out and ran his finger on his lips before he leaned and kissed him which Hijikata returned willingly and they only parted as they heard a cough coming from the doorway and a flash accompanied by a sound of camera._  
  
 _"That was a nice shot Danna" Sougo said as he looked at his phone with a smirk and dodges the pillow that went flying on his direction after Hijikata threw it._  
  
 _"forward that to me Souichiro-kun"_  
  
"Sougo.."   
  
_Kondo smiled as he placed a basket of fruits on the table "Toshi! how are you? haha sorry to disturb you two we just dropped by to say hi!"_  
  
 _"..also to see the gorilla nurse" Sougo muttered as he walked towards Hijikata who sat up leaning on te headboard as Sougo showed him the picture and they started to bicker. Gintoki stood beside Kondo on the far away side of the room preparing coffee and Gintoki glanced at Hijikata and Sougo. the younger male was teasing Hijikata if its not evident that his cheeks are flaming in anger and embarassment._  
  
 _"How is he?" Kondo asked and Gintoki looked at Kondo as he frowned._  
  
 _"I wont lie.. or relief myself but its not good... its not...." He stopped as he felt Kondo placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it._  
  
 _"Toshi is strong, he will fight it" they looked at eachother for a moment as he nodded._  
  
 _"anytime he could.. i dont know and i dont want to think about it either, they told me to prepare myself... anytime it could get worse. " he glanced at Hijikata that was ebing abused by Sougo as they rumbled on the bed, though he knew it was a playful fight and SOugo is not putting enough strength as well, the grin on Hijikata's lips is priceless and the fire on his eyes returned as he glared at the younger male._  
  
 _"wWe just need to belieev in him and prepare ourselves.. i hate that there is no other way, this feeling of helplessness, Sougo might look he is not batting an eye about this but i know he was having hard time as well.. this is just like when Mitsuba's.."_  
  
 _"Mitsuba?"_  
  
 _"Oh we did not mention to you? it was Sougo's older sister, she died like 6 years ago was it such very young age and a fine woman"_  
  
 _"oh" Gintoki blinked, he did not know that Okita had an older sister, the brat lived alone on the apartment before, he looked at Kondo and they whipped their head back to Hijikata as they heard him hacking and coughing. Sougo took a step back as Gintoki went and rushed towards him. "Hijikata, Okita-kun can you call the doctor?" Sougo nodded and left the room as he rushed outside. Gintoki slowly rubbed his back as his hacking continued and there is blood, he gritted his teeth and panic starts to rise on his system as he heard the un even beeping of the heart monitor._  
  
 _Once Kyoshiro was in with the nurses, Otae is one of them who rushed inside the room, Otae had led the trio outside and they waited outside the room. no one spoke a word, even Sougo was silent before he bid goodbye and left, Kondo followed patting his shoulder._  
  
 _"please stay with him.."_  
  
 _was what he said and Ginroki scoffed, of course he will that goes without saying, he sat on the chair outside the room with his fingers laced together._  
  
 _"not yet..."_  
.

.

.

  
  
  
"AH wait stop here" Gintoki patted the driver as he looked at him. "can you wait for me here? i just need to drop by some stuff. a nod from the driver and he placed the red carnation on the seat and grabbed his bag as he rushed to the station. pushing the glass doors teh first thing he saw was Yamazaki who was surprised at his visit.  
  
"Boss!"   
  
"Yo Jimmy, where is the gorilla?"  
  
"On his office, and its Yamazaki...what are you doing here boss , its rare for you to drop by here"   
  
"Ah i needsome documents from your chief and i had to return those i borrowed last time " he strolled inside and waved at the non important character,he opened the door and did not bother to knock only to see kondo making faces in front of the mirror and as soon as he saw Gintoki on the reflectionhe immidiately straighten up and cleared his throat   
  
"yo! Yorozuya! what brings you here?!"  
  
"Ill pretend i did not see that, anyways i came to return these files"Gintoki slapped on the table and Kondo blinked as he looked at the folder  
  
"oh so you really did returned it"  
  
"what do you mean by that?"  
  
"well its been almost a month and you said you will return it after a week"  
  
"oh was it months already wow time do sure fly fast" he whistled and pretended that it was nothing.   
  
"hey dont miss my wedding with Otae-san!"  
  
"Ah yes, yes she did mention, seriously i still question mother earth how come you two ended up together "  
  
"thats mean Yorozuya! true love does conquor all! even if its fists and violence!"  
  
Gintoki snorted at that as he remembered Hijikata "Fists and violence huh?" he listened as Kondo babbled about their wedding and he started to look around the office, looking at the displays on the cabinets and some recognition certificates and what not, his eyes roamed on the pictures that was on the walls and above the cabinet and he paused as he stared at a particular picture. Hijikata one of the photo is he was ina group picture, he was in the middle of Sougo and Kondo and the other one is a solo picture and he stared at it, those fire in his gun metal orbs, the raven locks.   
  
"you might be wondering why i kept those?"  
  
"Uh no.. figured you are like the sentimental man."  
  
Kondo chuckled as he walked towards the other male and looked at the picture  
  
"Well Toshi is kinda known with his reputation and the men really respects him, so even after he left we still implemented his rules"  
  
"Sheesh, look at that frown, bet your men gets scared when they see this, i sudgest you make a huge frame of this and put it on the center of the station to scare your men and some rats"  
  
"he will punch you if he hears that"  
  
"Well he cant hear me can he? lets keep that a secret anyways i gotta go now see ya later Gorilla and good luck with the wedding!" and with that done he walked out of the station as and returned to the cab.   
  
"Thanks for waiting we can go now "

.

.

.

_'his lungs is getting weaker the virus is slowly striking on his organs .. he needs support for breathing so dont remove those nasal prongs, it might be a little uncomfortable on his part but he needs to get used to it'_  
  
 _Gintoki looked at Hijikata as he lay there, fists clenched to his side as he observed him._  
  
 _"Bastard.. i told you to quite smoking.." he murmured and sat down , leaning against the chair he sighed and slowly closed his eyes as he was slowly lulling to sleep he heard a rustle and he immediately snapped his eyes open and looked around his eyes fell on Hijikata that was starring back at him, despite the fact that the light was off and a small light from the window is illuminated his face he reached out an stroked his cheek._  
  
 _"do you need something? "_  
  
 _a shook of his head_  
  
 _"go back to sleep"_  
  
 _another shake of his head "you go to sleep.. ill watch you.."_  
  
 _"are you serious, no way, go rest dont be stubborn"_  
  
 _"you havent had proper rest since a month or so.. you have bags.."_  
  
 _"I was punched by Harambe"_  
  
 _"..idiot" he murmured and slowly shifted as he turned to his side. "go to sleep.. ill watch.. let me watch over you"_  
  
 _Gintoki looked at him and frowned as he leaned on the chair "Fine, but you should sleep once im already asleep. got it?" he looked at him and Hijikata nodded. he tired honestly and he wanted some sleep, Hijikata was right he did not have any proper rest since Hijikata was admitted on the hospital. all the worries and stress is now showing on his face. that night he slept peacefully and had a long rest that when he woke up he was still disoriented and looked around the room to see kagura talking to Hijikata and Shinpachi arranging the fruits on the side table also chatting with Hijikata. he squinted and looked at the clock and his eyes widen, he slept until noon?!_  
  
 _"Ah Gin-san you are awake, we bought you clothes by the way and some breakfast for the both of you"_  
  
 _"Why did you not wake me up?"_   
  
_"Gin-chan we tried waking you up but you slept like a log! Toshi said to let you sleep so now he had to listen to my stories!"_  
  
 _Gintoki looked at Hijikata and now that he noticed he was noming something and upon closer inspection he realized he was eating a sandwich with ungrateful amount of mayonnaise._  
  
 _"Oi! where did you get that mayonnaise?! doctors said to refrain on it from the time being"_  
  
 _"Screw them!, i haven't had my fix for three months now! "and upon saying so he shoved the remaining piece on his mouth before Gintoki can snatch it away from him._  
  
 _"What are you 7?! "_  
  
 _"tch"_  
  
 _"Dont click your tongue on me!"_  
  
 _"ahh! quit it! stop making noises early in the morning!" Shinpachi flailed in front on them as Kagura started to eat Hijikata's fruits that was displayed on the side table, all in all it was one rowdy morning._

  
  
_Gintoki dropped by the store to buy some of his sweets to have his sugar fix but no matter how sweet a candy is it still left a bitter taste on his tongue once he thought about Hijikata. he was lively this morning which was good, he should buy something for the bastard. as he returned to the hospital Kagura and Hijikata was watching TV, Shinpachi probably went to his school to finish his report or whatever. he walked in a dropped a small box of sukonbu on kagura's lap who beamed at him as she thanked him and he plopped on the chair next to Hijikata and dug on his plastic bag and handed him a white stick. Hijikata stared at it but as soon as he realized what it was his eyes widen and he snatched the stick._   
  
_"woah! a cigarette! " he immediately plopped it on his mouth however he frowned when he realized that he was tricked._   
  
_"Its a candy.. as if id give you back your tobacco, just make use of that, it looks the same after all"_   
  
_"I hate you"_   
  
_"I know, i know i love you too" he grinned and started to nom his pudding and sighed as the sweet treat cascaded down his system. he was trying to enjoy it as much as he could. he glanced at Hijikata that was playing with the stick, it was sitting between his lips and to be honest Gintoki missed seeing the cancer stick that he always had in his mouth. he looks more like how he was before._   
  
_"You look less terrible now" Hijikata commented as he slowly nom the candy._   
  
_"you sure eating that, its too sweet, im surprised you are not complaning about it"_   
  
_".. was it? i cant taste anything.. " he murmured and blinked at him._   
_"doesnt matter"_   
  
_Gintoki frowned at that as he sat on the chair and that day they had a small chat before Kyoshiro went in and some nurses to help him transfer on the wheelchair for some tests._   
  


  
  
_there was no changes on Hijikata's health, and if he were to face the truth it gotten worse in the past months, he was always tired, sleeping and he declined most of his food to sleep instead. they make small talks from time to time until Hijikata would fall asleep, it was around 10:00 pm he was watching some show on the tv while Hijikata was sleeping and he glanced at him from time to time eating his pudding as he sighed at the boring show on TV when suddenly the constant beep of the heart monitor screamed a straight and the noise continued that Gintoki feared to hear, he turned back and saw the flat lines displayed on the monitor and jumped out his seat to call for the doctors, he rushed back and went to Hijikata's side as panic started to surge on his system, he is not breathing, not responding and it was scary , he kept on calling to him._  
  
 _"OI! Hijikata! bastard wake up! "_  
  
 _he felt the hands that was prying him away from the bed and he was being pushed back, he can make out when Kyoshiro started to pump on his chest until a deflector was being readied and he can faintly heard the nurses trying to calm him down._   
  
_"HIJIKATA!"_  
  
  
 _A jolt._  
  
 _A twitch._  
  
 _A loud gasp and the heart monitor started beeping again and the lined going up and down and a heavy breathing can be heard, everyone in the room was frozen for a moment in surprise before they started moving and checked on Hijikata. Gintoki backed away from the room and went out, he slumped on the wall next to the door as his knees gave way. he was shaking and he ran his fingers on his silver locks as he gripped it and curled himself biting his lips he sat there until Kyoshiro was out and he immidiateltly stood up._  
  
 _"What happened? is he okay?"_  
  
 _Kyoshiro shook his head as he looked at Gintoki "He had a heart failure earlier, it was a save that you alerted us immidiately"_  
  
 _"What do you mean not good?"_  
  
 _"This.. is just the start, he might get more heart failure in the future, someone should really watch over him this might happen again"_  
  
 _"... is there really no other way? anything? im desperate, anything to save him?"_  
  
 _Kyoshiro looked down and frowned as he avoided Gintoki's stare and he was surprised when he was grabbed by the collar and shook him._  
  
 _"What the fuck are you doing then? all of the tests and whatnot! there is still no cure?! taking his blood, injecting stuffs into him in somekind of a rat lab! and there is still no fuckin cure! you---" Gintoki blinked as he was separated from the doctors and was being pushed away._  
  
 _"Im sorry about that, he is just tired."_  
  
 _"Its okay i understand, ill return now" Kyoshiro nodded and left the hallway, Gintoki slumped on the floor and refused to look at the person that stopped his wrath._  
  
 _"Gintoki.. "_  
  
 _"..Zura"_  
  
 _"Its not Zura, its Katsura" he murmured and crouched in front of the other male and sighed "What the hell are you doing Gintoki?"_  
  
 _"he died... Zura , he died , he stopped breathing.. he .. "_  
  
 _"he is fine now"_  
  
 _"For how long?! how long do you think he will... i dont know what to do"_  
  
 _Katsura sat beside him as he placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it "First of all you need to get a hold of yourself, you wont be able to do or support him under that condition "_  
  
 _Gintoki looked at him and frowned as he took deep breaths, Zura was right he need to calm down just the thought of losing Hijikata there was really.. he cant bear it, its too much and the clenching of his chest, he felt like he was going to have panic attack there . closing his eyes he leaned against the wall and sighed. "Im not ready Zura.. I dont want to lose hope, and i know he does too" he murmured and looked at the door on the room where Hijikata was._   
  
_"Gintoki, im not saying for you to give up howver i do hope you will be able to pull yourself up together, he doesnt want to see you like this im sure "_  
  
 _He nodded and he stayed outside for a moment, he wa scared that if ever he would step inside or closer Hijikata would stop breathing. Katsura stayed by him the whole night and left when the sun was already up, Gintoki though remianed on his position until he finally decided to go inside. he walked closer to the bed where Hijikata was sleeping and he frowned, he chekced everything, the rise and fall of his chest, the beeping of the machine and the lined in the monitor going up and down. he was alive, he was okay, he is breathing. He sat and reached out for his hand gripping it he brought it to his lips and kissed it before he massaged it. he blinked as he saw the fingers twitch in his hold and looked up to see Hijikata looking at him._

  
"..mornin.."   
  
_His voice was hoarse and dry as he looked at Gintoki and the silver perm immediately leaned down to kiss his forehead. this person is alive, looking at him and talking at him, he was alive and Gintoki had to remind himself about that._  
  
  
 _"Please dont do that again"_  
  
 _"mm? what?" he slowly looked at the other male as he shifted lightly._

_"Hijikata ... earlier you..  you almost died! no.. you died " Gintoki reached out to grab a hold of his cheeks and he took a deep breath "i was scared, i did not know what to do, you are not breathing and it scared me.. "_

_Blinking Hijikata looked at him and he frowned. "Sorry.."_

_"What are you apologizing for you fool?! damn it"_

_"Im sorry for causing such distress... Gintoki I.."_

_Gintoki waited and listened to him as he closed his eyes "Dont apologize you idiot this is something that i--"_

_".. I dont wanna die.."_

_It came a soft murmur however Gintoki heard it and his eyes widen as he felt Hijikata grasping at his shirt as he pulled him closer and repeated what he said with a choked sob_

_"Gintoki.. i dont wanna die"_

_Gintoki looked down and what he saw almost shattered his heart in tiny pieces, Hijikata was clinging to him as he bit his lips fighting back the tears that is threatening to escape on his gun metal blue eyes._

_"ive already accepted my fate, i was ready ..i did not protest however.. thats before i met you, and now, i dont wanna leave you.. i wanna stay, i dont want to die!"_

_"No, no you are not! okay you wont!" Gintoki pulled him closer in a tight embrace, ever since Hijikata had been in the hospital he never broke down, he was silently accepting everything and going on whatever was being asked of him, Gintoki did not see him falter but today seemed to be the breaking point as he ran his hand on his back to calm him down._

_"i dont wanna leave you,.. i wanna stay with you.. i dont wanna die"_

_"Shh.. shh calm down , you wont die okay? you are a fighter arent you? see that heart monitor thingy is going crazy calm down okay"_

_"i need more time.. more time with you"_

_"We will get all the time that we need! so get better and fight, we will go home, ill build you a room full of mayonnaise then we can go back there and bicker all day"_

_"promise ..?"_

_"i promise"_

_"The mayonnaise room too?"_

_"You really had to specify that..."_

_"Shut up asshole its crucial" he sniffed and tried to calm down, Gintoki's thumb caressing his cheeks wiping away all his tears as he pushed back his hair._

_"Promise.. we will go back home, you will have your mayo infested room, then we can live together and you can go back being a writer or a tax robber.. so rest.. " he started to stroke his cheek and arm which successfully lulled Hijkata back to sleep , it hurts, this hurts so much, seeing Hijikata break down and everything is so messed up, they both know the truth and they both know there is no time left but they are both willing to cling on whatever inch of hope to continue fighting. Gintoki pressed a kiss on Hijikata's forehead and he leaned back on his chair with his arm covering his eyes as he looked up, he cant afford crying now he had done that a few hours ago already._

_"We will go home..."_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD  
> i apologize for the long update i was not able to obtain the document for this chapter since there was trouble with my laptop and i just recently had it fixed and thankfully this document was spared from deletion.  
> Thanks again and enjoy  
> ill try to update if there is time been busy with work and other activities so i need a whole lot of motivation as well. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_"Here you go"_  
  
_Gintoki handed Hijikata a newspaper and Hijikata squinted at the writings as he frowned and blinked,his eyes widening as he read the article. "Congratulations for making it on the top seller again" Gintoki smiled as sat beside him on the bed as he pecked his cheeks, Hijikata was still speechless as he read the reviews and the critique for his book._  
  
_"im really surprise how my works makes it to the top, im not even a very good writer... makes me think who reads my crap"_  
  
_"Oi, oi is that how you look at your works that your readers appreciates? that I appreciates"_  
  
_"i was just not expecting such feedback, the first one i wrote i just submitted it on the publishing company because they held some sort of a competition and i was bored and nothin to do so i just randomly passed one."_  
  
_"then that means you are talented"_  
  
_Hijikata nodded and looked at Gintoki as he set the news paper down "Have you read it already?"_  
  
_"Of course, it was beautiful, so unlike your previous works however there is still your usual gloomy touch, Your publisher Itou had told you its lacking right? how did you find out what it was? you did not make me proof read it before you submitted it. did you find what was missing on that work?" Gintoki said as he peeled the apple, glancing at Hijikata who looked at him with his tired gun metal orbs and smiled at him a bit._  
  
_"yes i did.. though it took me a while to realize it" he murmured and opened his mouth as Gintoki fed him with a piece of the apple, he sat still and looked around before turning back to Ginotoki._  
  
_"Where are the kids?"_  
  
_"Out, Shinpachi had some exam and kagura went to her friend. so basically its just us now"_  
  
_"Oh" he nodded and rubbed his eyes as he looked at the TV, Gintoki observing him as he ate hie eyes roaming over his partner's frail form. he lost weight and he was thinner, Gintoki felt that if he hugs him tightly he would break. he ran his hand on the silver locks and Hijikata glanced at him , the latter leaned his head against his shoulder as he closed his eyes to rest. Gintoki continued the soft ministration until Hijikata fell asleep, he reached out and removed the piece of apple that was on his hand and placed it to the plate on the bedside table and he looked at Hijikata, running his thumb on his cheek he stroked it the latter stirred a bit, tired blue eyes looking at him._  
  
_"Sorry.. go back to sleep" he murmured and Hijikata looked at him with half lidded eyes before he nodded and closed his eyes again to sleep. Gintoki slowly set him back down on the bed and sighed, walking towards the window he looked outside and frowned, its been two weeks after the first heart failure and Gintoki was extra careful of watching over Hijikata, not leaving him except if its necessary and if he really had to go he would have to ask someone to stay and watch over him, either Otae or kagura sometimes Katsura if he will be out longer. the rest of the task force visited him from time to time as well just like earlier and they already left leaving some fruits and food which Kagura hogged them all. Gintoki looked at the calendar, its the 3rd of april, next month is May.._  
  
_"May... " he gasped as he looked at the calendar "fifth of May is next month shit!" he glanced at Hijikata and blinked, its his birthday, he should think of something! rubbing his chin he flinched when he heard the flat lines of the machine again and he stumbled towards the bed and rushed outside grabbing one of the nurse who passed the hallway he yelled for a doctor and the nurse immediately ran to get the doctor and Gintoki went back to Hijikata's side._  
  
_"Hijikata! hey! oi!"_  
  
_Gintoki called at him and he was dragged back by the nurses, it seems like a deja vu of what happened two weeks ago and he kept on calling to him until he was out of the room he screamed his name as he sighed and sat outside waiting. it feels like its been the longest 5 minutes of his life when Kyoshiro went out of the room and Gintoki doesnt even wann hear what he was going to say but relief washed over him when Kyoshiro placed his hand on his shoulder and said._  
  
_"we got him back"_  
  
_he leaned against the wall and nodded thanking the doctor as he took in a deep breath, he felt so helpless, for the second time now Hijikata slipped off from him, is it too soon? is there no time really?! Gintoki clenched his fist as he walked back inside the hospital room and saw Hijikata sleeping, as if nothing happened. he walked beside the bed and held his hand he looked at the silver band that was both on their ring finger and he brought his hand up to kiss it._  
  
_._  
  
_._  
  
_._  
  
  
_It had been three days after that incident and Ginotki wiped some wet cloth on Hijikata's arm, slowly and softy he ran the cloth on his arm before turning to the basin and flinched in surprise as Hijikata gripped his shirt sleeve._  
  
_"Morning, did i wake you up?" Gintoki set the cloth aside as he sat on the bed and held his hand._  
  
_"its fine.. ive been sleeping too much i barely see you anymore.." he murmured and reached out, beckoning Gintoki to come closer which he did and Hijikata stroked his cheeks running his thumb on his lips as he smiled a bit. "I Should be more awake to see you more.. are you eating properly? you look thinner "_  
  
_"talk about thinner you look like skin and bones!"_  
  
_Hijikata frowned and raised his arm to inspect it. "i think so yeah" he murmured. "When was the last time you went out of the hospital? its been three months"_  
  
_"ah i went out earlier to buy some things" he pointed at the stack of sweets on the bedside table and Hijikata let out a small 'oh' then turned back to him. he looked at Gintoki for a moment and he bit his lips._  
  
_"So--"_  
  
_"Dont apologize, oi dont look at me like that, i can sense when you started to go on apologizing, like i said you arent a burden okay?" he flicked his nose and Hijikata frowned as he covered his nose and glared. "what? you wanna get back? i know you wanna get back at me, your ass wont be in peace until you get back at me" Gintoki leaned closer to him "Okay go ahead flick me back" he pointed at his nose and Hijikata stared at him but instead of a flick Hijikata's palm collided with his forehead in a hard slap._  
  
_"hey! what the hell! i said flick why the fuck did you slap me!?"_  
  
_"Cause i feel like it"_  
  
_"jeezz seriously, i thought you will be all lovey dovey to me now"_  
  
_"Since when did that happened?"_  
  
_Gintoki smirked and stole a kiss from him and Hijikata blinked and was about to say something but Gintoki cut him off with another kiss._  
  
_"Oi, oi look who is getting all red now"_  
  
_"Shut up!" he hissed and looked away, Gintoki chuckled as he looked at Hijikata, he seemed to be in a good condition today which is good. Gintoki looked at him as he ran his hand on the silver locks, and sat beside him._  
  
_"is there anything you want?"_  
  
_"Mayonnaise.."_  
  
_"...No"_  
  
_"Cigarettes.."_  
  
_"Double NO!"_  
  
_"Then nothin as of the moment " he murmured and looked at Gintoki as he shifted lightly and lay down, placing his head on his lap as he closed his eyes to rest, Gintoki looked at him and ran his fingers on his silver locks._  
  
_"rest"._  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
Gintoki looked outside the window of the taxi and noticed that the weather started to get gloomy, the clouds were getting dark and he frowned, it was just too hot this morning, the hell happened, shit did he bring his umbrella?  
  
"it seems like its going to rain"  
  
Gintoki looked at the driver and leaned back on his seat as he nodded. "yeah seems like it, and it was so hot earlier though, talk about global warming" he murmured and started to dig through his bag to check if he bought some umbrella with him.  
  
"visiting somoene?"  
  
"..ah yeah" he nodded and beamed as he saw that he actually did brought umbrella with him. "I thought i forgot my umbrella" he murmred and the driver chuckled as and Gintoki raised a brow, now that he noticed what kind of driver wears a googles?  
  
"Oi, oi old man are you sure wearing that googles is safe?"  
  
"Oh, i can see better with this , dont worry i can drive safely, the names Gengai by the way "  
  
Gintoki frowned and squinted, he did not ask for his name. "ah Gintoki"  
  
"Anyways Ginnoji this is quite a long ride now, look at this traffic "  
  
Gintoki craned his neck as he looked at the unmoving cars and sighed as he leaned on the car seat. "ugh.. what a pain, this flowers wont be fresh forever" he glanced at the red carnation and frowned. reaching out to stroke its petals he sighed and leaned back again on the seat as he looked outside.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
  
  
_"Its been raining a lot lately" Gintoki commented as he looked outside the hospital window and glanced back at Hijikata that was shifting on the bed watching the television as he leaned on the head board and munching some oranges._  
  
_"I wanna go out"_  
  
_"You know you cant, its not good for you"_  
  
_"Im sick and tired on this room"_  
  
_"come one dont go on PMS-ing on me now " Gintoki crossed his arms as he leaned against the window and Hijikata gave him a long and hard stare before huffing and was about to make a retort as he opened his mouth but he stopped and turned away from the other as he ignored Gintoki in the next 30 minutes. Gintoki understood though, he might be really bored in this room and as much as Gintoki wanted to take him outside it was not advisable and he wanted him to be in a good condition if he did so. Hijikata had an obvious frown on his face and argued back at him which he also argued back of course thats how they normally is which is a good thing since nothing had been completely changed on the way they act around each other but then Hijikata went on ignoring him for the past hour now._

 _"Oi come on Hijikata dont ignore me"_  
  
_"Dont talk to me im ignoring you!"_  
  
_"You actually just answered me now, oi oi come on dont be a kid, i know you wanted to get out but--"_  
  
_"just on the garden outside?"_  
  
_Gintoki looked at him and sighed as he rubbed his head "fine fine, ill see what i can do okay? but not today its raining"_  
  
_"sure" he nodded and went back looking at the TV as he yawned and stared at his palm where the skin of oranges were as he played on it, digging his nails on it, Gintoki took them away and cupped his cheeks_  
  
_"Go sleep, you look tired"_  
  
_"I dont want too"_  
  
_"You need to rest, your eyes are droppy"_  
  
_"they aint, just heavy"_  
  
_"Come on dont be a stubborn ass" Gintoki reached out and ran his hands on his shoulders and Hijikata sighed, there was a frown on his face as he looked at Gintoki._  
  
_"I dont wanna sleep, i wanna spend more time with y-you.. as much as possible"_  
  
_"I know but you nee--"_  
  
_"If i sleep.. what if i wont wake up anymore?"_  
  
_Gintoki's eyes widen as his hold on Hijikata's shoulder tighten, the latter did not wince but he looked down and looked at his palms and his eyes landed on the ring on his finger. "Hijikata.."_  
  
_"What if this would be the last time? im scared that if i sleep i wont be able to wake up anymore, and i wont see you anymore.._  
  
_"..."_  
  
_"Sometimes i think its just better to always stay awake just in case i--nn.." Hijikata's eyes widen as Gintoki cupped his face and pulled him in a kiss and he responded into it before he let out a breath as they parted and he blinked looking at him "..Gintoki?"_  
  
_"Dont say that again, just dont" he pressed his forehead against his own as he slowly laid Hijikata down the bed "Go to sleep.. you will wake up, you will see me when you wake up okay?"_  
  
_Hijikata nodded as he slowly closed his eyes and after a few minutes he fell asleep, how long had he been holding up fighting sleep? that bastard really, but then Gintoki could also feel the same thing and he looked down at Hijikata running his hand on his silver locks as he frowned._  
  
_"im also scared to see you not waking up anymore.... "_  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
  
  
_"Here you go princess, happy?" Gintoki looked at Hijikata with a frown on his face as he peeked at him ".. or not"_  
  
_"Why do i have to be in a wheelchair?"_  
  
_"Doctor's advice dont argue, i was able to take you out to the gardens so dont complain oi!"_  
  
_"I can walk im not that weak"_  
  
_"I know i know but just sit still will you, and just enjoy?" Gintoki heard a loud sigh as he pushed the wheelchair on the hallways and Hijikata blinked as he saw another patient going back to where they came from with silver locks same to his that was being rushed in with nurses and doctors and a old man that was sobbing and begging, probably the husband, Hijikata followed them with his stare as he craned his neck back as they passed him and he blinked as Gintoki blocked it._  
  
_"Dont look.. "_  
  
_Gintoki looked down at him and Hijikata turned his head back forward as he frowned._  
  
_"Dont think about what you saw, think about going out now okay? cause i have a surprise for you."_  
  
_"Huh?"_  
  
_Hijikata squinted a bit as he raised his hand to block the sunlight, its been too long since he felt it on his skin. and as he got used to it he squinted as he looked at the small garden of the hospital however his eyes widen as he saw Kagura and Shinpachi dressed in a black and white waiter and waitresses outfit. behind them is a small table that was set with 2 seats and small vase with tulips on it._  
  
_"Welcome oh humble guest! " Kagura bowed and smiled as well as Shinpachi._  
  
_"This way please" Shinpachi guided Hijikata to one of the seats carefully holding the dextrose as he sat Hijikata down who looked around._  
  
_"W-what the fuck is this?"_  
  
_"oi Mayo man dont curse, we are putting effort here aru!"_  
  
_"Shh Kagura, treat him as a guest! a guest! and you should not speak like that to a guest!" Shinpachi hissed beside her and Kagura nodded grabbing the menu she handed it to Hijikata._  
  
_"Here is your Menu, sir"_  
  
_Hijikata looked around, Gintoki had vanished in god knows where and he looked at the menu and frowned as he saw the list._  
  
_'pork curry'_  
  
_'chicken curry'_  
  
_'beef curry'_  
  
_'sweet curry'_  
  
_'1 sushi'_  
  
_Hijikata frowned as he read the list. what the hell its all curry! and what the fuck is a sweet curry! 1 sushi?! is this a 1 dish sushi or 1 piece of sushi! his eyes roamed down the drinks and his frown deepened on the list was nothing but water, he glanced at Kagura who had a pen and paper on her hand._  
  
_"Sorry if the dish is not in your taste, this is just a lame ass restaurant, but i hope you will have a great day today" Gintoki sat across him and was dressed formally and he refused to acknowledge the flush that was crawling up his cheeks "But im sure no matter what order you will get everything will be better with this " Gintoki placed a mayonnaise on the table and Hijikata stared at it with wide eyes._  
  
_"Now whats your order Hijikata-san?" Shnpachi asked as he smiled and Hijikata muttered a small Chicken curry and Shinpachi nodded, Gintoki got the sweet one and the two brats ran off out of the garden and Hijikata turned to look at Gintoki._  
  
_"OI what the hell is all this?"_  
  
_"a date, oh yeah i forgot to say 'surprise' but whatever"_  
  
_"Tch! you.. they allowed you to do this here"_  
  
  
_"I asked for it for two hours or so " Gintoki nodded and poured a water on Hijikata's glass, he wont tell that he had begged and did everything he could to get the place even for an hour privately. he glanced at Hijikata before standing up he grabbed the pillow from his wheelchair and slowly inserted it on Hijikata's seat so he could lean on his chair comfortably, his eyes glanced at Hijikata and the other male seemed to be so silent, he took a closer inspection and blinked. he let out a small "oh.." as he saw him looking down hiding his face to hide his reddening cheeks, this bastard is really a sucker for these kind of things. "Your face is red Hijikata"_

 _"Shut up! what is this all of a sudden you bastard.. this.." he looked up as Kagura and Shinpachiu arrived with their food that was clearly a take out from a diner. He looked at the two setting the plates and everything and after that they stood beside them and Hijikta found it a little awkward that the kids are still there observing them. Gintoki was saying something and he was slowly lathering his food with mayonnaise._  
  
_"OI thats enough, dont put too much" Gintoki reached out and took the condiment away that made Hijikata send a glare at him and he glanced at the kids before looking at Gintoki and he gestured towards them and tipped his head to the door, he only wished the idiot got the message which he did and he made a small 'oh' before clearing his throat._  
  
_"Oi Patsuan, Kagura you can go outside and play or do your stuff we will manage here"_  
  
_"Okay,m just call us if you need anything" Shinpachi called out and Kagura followed him, her hands were behind her head as she glanced at them with a smirk._  
  
_"Mayora is just embarassed to have us around while he was on date with Gin-chan~"_  
  
_"Shut up china brat!"_  
  
_"Reacting too much is being affected Mayo man! i dont want to see you two kissing thats disgusting! my innocent eyes wont take it!"_  
  
_"innocnet my ass! that word doesnt really match you!" Hijikata snarled and his brow ticked in annoyance as Kagura stuck her tongue out before they left. Gintoki could not help but chuckle at the sight as he started eating_  
  
_"well Kagura seems right, is Oogushi emabarassed?"_  
  
_"Do you want a fork on yoiur skull?!"_  
  
_"Alright relax, jeez just enjoy the food" Hijikata gave him one last glare before he started eating and they started to talk about future plans, Hijikata said that he might continue writing instead from going back to being a tax robber, Gintoki also did mention that he would open a small firm for himself and Hijikata immediately scoffed and said it was impossible because he was lazy and should just flourish his odd jobs business instead, which Gintoki thinks that is not actually bad. they also both decided to live together which they already are practically doing before._  
  
_"That would be nice, which place should it be mine or yours?"_  
  
_"Mine, your apartment had a lot of things and trashes and furnitures that is not really necessary i hate the color of the wallpaper too" Hijikata said as he chomped on his food with a frown._  
  
_"Excuse you my choice of color is nice! its modern fashion! well compared too your too dark place, it doesnt even had any bright colors except that dying cactus on your desk!"_  
  
_"Did you seriously just .. how was my cactus?! "_  
  
_"Its healthy dont worry"_  
  
_Hijikata squinted at him_  
  
_"You dont believe me? you want proof?" Gintoki dug through his pockets as he slide the screen of his phoine and went to his gallery before showing it to him "there goes your cactus" Gintoki sighed as he looked at him, seriously that damn plant gets more love and care than him._  
  
_"bring it over "_  
  
_"Whats so special about that cactus anyways?" Gintoki had noticed before how Hijikata took special care of the plant, always making sure it was watered and exposed to sun in timed hour and always making sure it was being taken cared off. Gintoki thought at first that Hijikata liked some plants but there was only that cactus on his apartment so that plant must have meant something if a person like Hijikata would bother to take care of something trivial as a cactus so he asked and noticed the small frown on Hijikata's face as he looked at his food opening his mouth to say something but he decided against it before opening it again._  
  
_"Mitsuba gave it to me before she .. well yeah, she said my office looked so gloomy and decided to grow a cactus there"_  
  
_"oh" Ginotki nodded before he looked at him "That Mitsuba.. is she.. "_  
  
_"A friend"_  
  
_Gintoki looked at him and they stared at eachother for a moment before he frowned he wanted to ask further he wanted to confirm if his suspicious is right as far as he heard from the big mouthen Gorilla Mitsuba was Sougo's older sister who passed away he recalled Sougo saying that she went on the same university with Hijikata and Kondo and other than that he did not know much anymore. He glanced at Hijikata and suddenly something clicked on his head he looked at his food and he picked a piece from it before he looked at him. "Mitsuba... could also be could be translated to three leaf ... , arent Three leaf Clover the title of your first book?" He saw Hijikata visibly flinch at that and he continued " and the very first book i read and my favorite of all your work, and it talks about unspoken lo--"_  
  
_"Stop.. i dont wanna talk about it..." Hijikata murmured and looked at his food as he frowned, Gintoki wanted to know more, however he stopped and decided against it but suddenly Hijikata spoke and continued "..But i think you should however know .. i supposed."_  
  
_"if you dont want to its really okay its not that im curious or anything"_  
  
_"Your dumb face says other wise you ass"_  
  
_"Well... maaaaybe a bit curios"_  
  
_A sigh, "Mitsuba is the only woman that i loved.."_  
  
_Gintoki looked at Hijikata as he blinked .... loved past tense, yeah. he nodded and waited for him to keep on talking._  
  
  
_"But i pushed her away and, told her i dont care about her feelings, i was such an ass.."_  
  
_"Good you know, you did the same to me after all" he received a glare but Hijikata sighed and leaned on his chair._  
  
_"I dont feel like i deserve her, i dont want to put her in harm as well considering my line of work, also.. she is much better with someone thats worthy for her affections.. i kept pushing and pushing until i realized that she is gone.. it just came like that she was gone, she was sick, she didnt tell, she left and went on the country side to teach kids and.. sougo went there to check on her, i visited once but i refused to face her, its just hard and.. i dont wanna see it, i was angry and frustrated why she did not tell anyone about her sickness but when i got this.. this thing this sickness i kinda understand why.. " he glanced at Gintoki and frowned "Its hard and painful to see the person you love suffering and crying because of you... so i kept this thing all by myself, i could work it out , i dont have someone anyways .. i dont really care if i die or what not much of a bother to anyone, it would pass by like nothing, im fine to be alone, no one notice if im gone, basically i dont really care what happens to me since no one is going to bear this sickness aside from myself all alone so it doesnt matter is what i thought.."_  
  
_Gintoki looked at him , Hijikata is saying too much, Hijikata is saying a lot of words which is throwing Gintoki off, he was opening up!? he did not say anything and just listened and listened, taking everything that he said on his mind to remember it, Gintoki now understood that the first book he made is for Mitsuba._  
  
_"But .. i did not expect transferring a apartment complex would make a big change in my life decisions and plans, I did not even know what you saw in me but im somehow thankful at the same time remorseful, i was pushing you away but you just kept on barging and coming at me like a fuckin hurricane and ... here i am cursing at this damn sickness" Hijikata blinked as he saw Gintoki stood up and headed to his direction and his eyes widen as the perm asshole hugged him tightly._  
  
_“do you know what would be my biggest regret? If i was not able to meet you.. “ he knelt and looked at Hijikata as he cupped his cheeks. “you are the one who came crashing into me like a silent wave you know? Later on i realized i was already being swept away by you “ he pressed his lips on him as he pressed his forehead against his lover. “and you always and continuously carry me on those waves, damn it Hijikta oi stop being such a adorable bastard, im saying cutesy stuff here its really . really awkward and i wanna slap myself now”_  
  
_“i can do the slapping for you” Hijikata murmured and Gintoki held his wrist down._  
  
_“NO! What the hell.. aren’t you a maso?! Why are you being an S now?”_  
  
_“Im not a maso!” he squinted at him before he reached out to push back Gintoki’s silver locks and cupped his face tracing his thumb on his cheekbones. “Thanks a lot , i mean it” he murmured and Gintoki kissed him again before he grabbed his chair to sit next to Hijikata. They talked about a lot of things, Hijikata told him about Mtsuba, about his brother and Gintoki listened to him, taking all the words. He and Hijikata had been together for a year and a half or so and Hijikata had never been this vocal to him or opening up to him, he doesn’t question though since he is also the same, but today’s conversation had been an exchange for the both, Gintoki also told him about his past that he really doesn’t talk about with people and they both understood that each of them needed time to be able to tell the things that kept their pasts._  
_._

_._

_._

  
_Gintoki slowly helped Hijikata back down to his bed as he placed the blanket to cover him and Hijikata looked at him with his heavy eyes, clearly wanting to close and rest. “go sleep now, you must have been exhausted .”_  
  
_“Lets do that again?” he asked as he shifted lightly._  
  
_“yes yes of course and next time it will be on a proper restaurant. Oh remember that ramen shop that was still under construction before? The one near the apartment?”_  
  
_“yeah?”_  
  
_“Its already opened now! And the ramen is really great! One day we will go there”_  
  
_“mm..” he nodded and Gintoki continued to babble and as much as Hijikata wanted to listen to him his eyes is betraying him as he slowly slip them close and he fell asleep. Gintoki paused and looked at Hijikata that was sound asleep and he pressed his hand on his cheeks._  
  
_“Sleep well”_  
  
_._  
  
_._  
  
_._  
  
_._  
  
_._  
  
_._  
  
_“Haa...”_  
  
_“Thats a very deep sigh you there”_  
  
_Gintoki glanced at the old man that was standing next to him on the hospital pharmacy and he blinked, wondering if he should ignore or acknowledge the statement, he glanced at the other side of the window and saw that the nurse is still not back._  
  
_“Something must have happened mm?” he older male asked again as he waited for the nurse to get back._  
  
_“Ah well.. my lover is hospitalized “_  
  
_“I see.. “_  
  
_There was silence between the two before the old man spoke again “My wife is also Hospitalized here”_

 _“oh..” Gintoki looked at the paper in his hand and frowned, what should he say? He isn’t really someone who liked engaging into a conversation with this topic, however he still found himself asking. “.. What is she for? I mean you know why she was hospitalized?”_  
  
_“She is ill.. got infected by the white plague”_  
  
_Gintoki’s eyes widen as he looked at the older male who looked back at him “It seems we are in a same situation? I saw the medicines you bought and that kind of meds only prescribed to someone that was infected by it” The older male said as he held the envelope on his hand and Gintoki looked at the bottles of medicines that was on the counter._  
  
_“yeah” Gintoki nodded as he tapped his finger on the counter as he waited for the nurse. “How is she doing?”_  
  
_“Oh, she is resting.. her fight ended and she fought well.. fought hard such a strong woman”_  
  
_Gintoki blinked as his eyes widen upon realizing that this was the old man he and Hijikata had met on the hallways when they went out to the gardens a week ago, Gintoki’s heart cleched as he frowned, “this sickness... no its not a sickness more like a curse. A curse without any cure.”_  
  
_“out of all people why them? Right?” the old man shook his head and looked at Gintoki as he patted his shoulder "be strong."_  
  
_Gintoki nodded and blinked as the nurse called for his name, he went and paid them and bid farewell to the old man as he returned back to Hijikata's room, seeing that the other was still asleep he placed the medicines on the table and also the small pot of cactus. blinking he saw Katsura emerge from the bathroom and they nodded at each other before Gintoki looked around and frowned "Where is kagura?"_  
  
_"Leader went out arguing with that young blond boy"_  
  
_"Souichiro?"_  
  
_"Maybe..."_  
  
_"That brat what is she doing hanging out with that brat" he muttered as he sighed and went to the fridge stocking his new sweet supplies as Katsura tailed after him grabbing a cup of pudding. "Oi Zura! thats mine!"_  
  
_"Its not Zura its Katsura! just one cup, dont be selfish!"_  
  
_"tch! you bastard! buy your own damn pud--" he stopped as he heard rustling on the bed and saw hijikata shifted om his sleep and he frowned lowering his voice. "Asshole" he muttered and handed the cup back to Katsura as he sighed and continued to stock the fridge with some food. "How was he?"_  
  
_"He slept the whole afternoon, he woke a few times looking for you but other than that he was just sleeping" Katsura sat back down the small couch and watched the show that he was currently watching before Gintoki arrived, He observed the silver haired male sitting next to Hijikata and wiped his forehead with damp cloth._  
  
_"Zura... /its not Zura, Its Katsura/.. How much time do you think we had?"_  
  
_"Im not a doctor Gintoki so i cant answer that you know"_  
  
_"i know.. i just wanna hear your opinion, you are quite knowledgeable about this illness right?"_  
  
_"i know a few things but its not like the doctors had already mentioned but what i can say is .. he is fighting hard but if were to say it truthfully.. it might be soon.." Katsura looked at him as he sighed and stood up patting Gintoki's back as he grabbed his things "I gotta go, just call me when you need something also you can call those two they are looking for you" he stood beside Gintoki and saw him rubbed his head._  
  
_"Ah Shit... forgot that reunion thing last week, is the midget angry?"_  
  
_"No not really, just complaining that he had to organize for the preparation of the food and he included a lot of pastry which no one really ate since he had them ordered for you cause he doesnt wanna hear you bitching that there is no sweets"_  
  
_"It really came off my mind, and.. i really cant leave Hijikata " he murmured and glanced down at his lover "Ill make it up next time and buy him a shit tons of yakult"_  
  
_Katsura waved his hand in dismissal as he shook his head "You dont have too, we understand your situation really so its okay it might be nice if you can attend and bring Hijikata-kun over"_

 _"Im not really sure if he would go, you know that he doesnt like social gathering and stuff" he murmured and sighed as he looked down at the raven._  
  
_"Yeah i forgot about that.. but do try okay?"_  
  
_"Yeah"_  
  
_"Ill be going now" Katsura patted his arm again as he left the room and Gintoki glanced down at the other male and smirked "oi, Its not nice to evesdrop you know"_  
  
_Hijikata slowly opened his eyes and looked up to the other "You should have went on that reunion party, Sakamoto rarely visits as you said before" he murmured and Gintoki sat on the bed as he reached out and stroked his cheeks, HIjikata nuzzled on the touch as he shifted lightly._  
  
_"Its okay, besides they knew the reason why i was not able to attend and Tatsuma will be back next year or so, and we can do that again, if you heard Zura even invited you "_  
  
_"I know but thats--" he stopped as he was being attacked by a coughing fit and Gintoki immediately patted his back and looked at him, making sure that everything was okay and that assuring him to calm down, however the hacking did not stop and there was blood on Hijkata's hand as since he was covering his own mouth and Gintoki looked around grabbing the emergency button and furiously pressing on it he looked at Hijikata, and he can see the blood trailing on the corner of his mouth and he was heaving, and he was looking at Gintoki with half lidded eyes and Gintoki immediately took note of the heart monitor when it the beeping decreases._  
  
_"Hijikata! oi! look at me! dont... dont leave please! " he cupped his cheeks as he wiped the blood on his chin, Hijikata held his wrist and Gintoki immediately backed off as Kyoshiro and some nurses went inside in a rush. Gintoki backed away as he went out of the room and leaned on the wall beside the room, waiting. he raised his hand where some traces of blood was there, this is the first time that Hijikata had an attack when he was awake, normally he was asleep but that one earlier is just unbearable, its unbearable to look at him suffering like that and the tight grip on his wrist and when Hijkata looked at him.._  
  
_"Gh!"_  
  
_He slammed his fist on the wall beside him and groaned, he didnt know how long he was standing there waiting until Kyoshiro went out and looked at Gintoki._  
  
_"Its okay now, his lungs is really weak and Gintoki.. its .. ther--"_  
  
  
_"I know... theres not much time right?"_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Im back thanks for those who are still reading this and i apologize for the late update i was busy at work but since my schedule changed i will be able to have spare time from writing so here i am! this fic is almost done, its my first complete work for Gintama if that happens XD   
> Anyways thanks for being patient and i hope you will enjoy this new chapter. ^^

“Oi.. excuse me.. Ginoji?”

Gintoki woke with a start as he blinked and looked at Gengai, he must have dozed off while waiting for the traffic. Rubbing his eyes he groaned did they arrive already?

“You fell asleep, been out the traffic and were here by the way”

“ahh jeez really?” he sighed and looked around before taking out some money on his wallet and handed it to Gengai who eagerly accepted it, with careful hands he lifted the bouquet and thanks the old man before shutting the door of the car. Sighing he looked around and slowly went inside the gates ,nodding at the guard he looked up and saw that its started being cloudy and gloomy, well the weather is being sympathetic towards him now huh? He stopped short on his track as he looked ahead, taking a step back and halted. What is he afraid of? How many times did he try to visit him and wavered, backing out when he is almost at his destination. Why? He gripped the bouquet, and sighed.

Of course he knew why, but then again he won’t accomplish anything just by standing here. Gulping he took a deep breath and started walking ahead but every step feels heavy and slow that his mind raced back towards that day…

.

.

That day..

.

.

.

 

_“shh pipe down you two! You’ll wake him up!” Gintoki hissed at Kagura and Sougo that was bickering at the foot of Hijikata’s bed arguing which color goes better with the decorations on the room. It was 5 th of May, Hijikata’s birthday. He was still asleep and they took that opportunity to set up a surprise party, Sougo and Kondo visited to help, Jimmy went out to get the cake and food. Shinpachi was arranging the table and putting the balloons up, Gintoki was on his bedside table, texting Otae and convincing not to bring her piasco dishes, a few hours passed by and everything was all set up and they are only waiting for Hijikata to wake up. _

_“Gin-chaaaan just wake the mayora, im hungry” Kagura groaned eyeing the food that was on the table and Sougo slung an arm around her neck and smirked._

_“if you want we can go out and eat at the pantry of course they need a pig to finish the left overs”_

_Gintoki heard Kagura screech and his brow furrowed as he saw the gesture, a tick formed on his forehead and frowned. “Oi, oi Sofa-kun, if you don’t want your wanky sessions to end right here right now I suggest you put your hand where it belongs huh?”_

_“It’s Sougo.. Danna you are so grumpy, besides I don’t need a wanky session when someone can do the session for me right?”_

_“HAAAA?!” Gintoki stormed towards Okita and started reprimanding him, Shinpachi had to get in between as the two bickered uh the bickering part mostly coming from GIntoki. Kagura just looked at them un amused while Kondo is starting to have a civil conversation with Otae for once and Jimmy was forgotten on the side eating his anpan, its stating get a bit chaotic as Otae started beating Kondo with the spatula to much for civil conversation but all the chaos ended as they heard a laugh coming from the bed,_

_“Hijikata!” Gintoki looked back and frowned “how long had you been awake?”_

_“Quite a while now, im just observing you idiots” he smiled and Gintoki sighed, he missed that laugh and that smiling face, it’s been a long time since he had seen him like that and he shrugged going towards his bed._

_“Well its ruin now, but  hey happy birthday and…”_

_“SURPRISE!” they all yelled and there was a pop of confetti as they gathered around the bed and Gintoki went to get the cake carrying it over towards Hijikata and held it in his front._

_“Happy birthday Mayora! Go wish!” Kagura cheered and she looked more excited than him, Sougo lit a small candle and crossed his arms_

_“Hurry up! We are starving here” he smirked and he groaned when Kagura elbowed him._

_“Okay okay pipe down! Let the birthday boy make his wish, Gintoki smirked as he looked at Hijkata who was slowly shifting to sit up with the help of Kondo he looked at the cake and then to everyone. Starring at the candle he closed his eyes and made a small sigh before blowing the candle and Kagura immediately went to the table to dig towards the food._

_They all gathered around the table, Otae distributing paper plates and Shinpachi filing the glasses with juice and handing it to them. Gintoki went on to slice the cake making sure that Kagura wont hog all the cake, she was arguing with Sougo and Kondo started peeling the banana while Jimmy is helping Shinpachi on the drinks. Hijikata looked at them as they shuffle around and groaned as he gripped his head, looking up at them it was a blur and he panicked for a bit before rubbing his eyes he flinched upon hearing Gintoki._

_“You okay?”_

_Looking up he can see GIntoki clearly and he nodded before straitening up, Gintoki sat beside him and showed him the plate he got. “so I got cake, and some fillet here, also fried noodles and of course! “ he reached behind him and showed him a mayonnaise that had a red ribbon that was tied around it and Gintoki smiled as he saw Hijikata’s face lit up like a fuckin Christmas tree._

_“fuck I haven’t eaten a mayo since I can’t remember” he squirted some on his cake and Gintoki cut a small piece of it  and offered it to Hijikata who opened his mouth and took a small bite from it. Leaning against the headboard he looked at everyone and then back to Gintoki._

_“They seemed enjoying that’s nice to see” he murmured and continued to take small bite to whatever Gintoki offers to him, then he eyes Kagura and Sougo that was on one corner eating and bickering at the same time and he nudged Gintoki to look at their direction which made the latter frown and Hijikata let out a small chuckle._

_“The look on your face is priceless, what a over protective father you are”_

_“am not! I know Sofa-kun like the back of my hand as a fellow sadist I know those looks and moves”_

_“yeah you do piss me off a lot”_

_“shut up! Tch just so he knows im watching his every move” upon saying this Sougo looked at them probably feeling the stare behind him he smirked at Gintoki and gave a thumbs up._

_“Ill skin him alive!”_

_“Calm down” Hijikata tugged at his sleeves and he pointed at the water on the bedside table which he handed towards him. He drank from it and he and Gintoki continued talking, after a few minutes Gintoki went to join Kondo on the table to eat as well as Kagura started to rant to HIjikata about Sougo._

_“.. and that guy is such a sadist he once pulled my hair ornaments off and threw it on the pond yelling fetch!”_

_“and what did you do?”_

_“I threw him into the pond aru!”_

_“Nice job” he raised his hand a bit as they high fived “you did well, continue doin that, cause maybe he just wanted your attention so bad”_

_“Well, he is like a dog that’s tailing after me! Tch”_

_“just give him a proper beatin sometimes”_

_“is that what you do with Gin-san?”Shinpachi said as he smiled and handed Kagura some icecream and  she sat on the side of his bed and started eating her ice cream and carefully shifted so that she won’t mess with the white sheets, Hijikata chuckled as he leaned against the headboard a pillow is resting behind him._

_“Yes, you know how stubborn he is so a good beating is necessary “ he nodded to himself and Kagura looked at Shinpachi who looked back at her and they both nodded as Shinpachi produced a gift handing it to him ._

_“Happy Birthday Hijikata-san/Mayora/” they said and placed the gift on his lap, Hijikata was a bit shocked as he saw the gift and looked at it before holding the said item and then looked at the two yorozuya brats._

_“Thanks, you should have not bothered”_

_“Nah! Its Gin-chan’s money so its okay!”_

_“Kagura-chan! You are not suppose to say that!” Shinpachi looked at him with a nervous laugh as he shook his head “nope! We definitely did not use the pachinko money Gin-san saved when he was still gambling th—argh!!!”_

_“Idiot Shinpachi! “ Kagura slapped him so hard he took a few steps away “That’s not what you are supposed to say! It not from his gambling money! Its from the money we found he left behind on his pants! “_

_“okay okay cut it out you two! Doesn’t matter the thought is well appreciated “_

_They both stop bickering and looked at Hijikata before shrugging._

_“As long as you get better you can wear that mayora”_

_“mm yeah hopefully, so until then you should watch over your lazy boss okay? Sometimes he liked to be left alone on those times.. you know what I mean so just be patient with him and eventually in time he will be able to get pass through it”_

_“yeah, Gin-san doesn’t really show much on what he feels or think but Kagura-chan and I are always here we got each other’s back, that’s how Yorozuya had always been!”_

_“Yeah! We will make sure he wil do his job and stop being lazy aru!”_

_“that’s probably one thing we all cant change about him…” Shinpachi sighed as they all said at the same time._

_“His laziness” they looked at eachother and Kagura giggled while Shinpachi laughed and Hijikata just shook his head patting both their shoulders._

_“As long as he is in the right path and you two are there to support him im sure he would be fine, you two are very important to him even though he isn’t showing it that much. So take care of each other and flourish your Yorozuya business”_

_Shinpachi and Kagura looked at each other before they heard Otae called out to them to help cleaning the confetti that littered on the room and they both went to help, Hijikata observed the two kids and looked at the Gift before he looked up as he saw Kondo and Sougo._

_“Toshi! Happy birthday!! “ he was close to hugging Hijikata but stopped as the latter raised his hand to stop him, he doesn’t want to be squished into that tight hug. “im so happy Toshi! I know its been hard for you these past few months but look at you! I know you are a fighter you can do it!”_

_“ah thanks Kondo-san, im trying “_

_“oh yes by the way here I have a gift! “ he produce a small box and placed in on top of Kagura and Shinpachi’s gift that was sitting on his lap. “I immediately thought of you when I saw that! Im sure you will like it!”_

_“Thanks Kondo-san” he rasped out and cleared his throat cupping his hand over his mouth as he coughed a bit and his other hand held the gift tightly, his chest hurts again and he had to bit his lip and took two deep breathes, Kondo is still talking so he might have noticed but Sougo had his eyes fixed on him and he frowned at that._

_“Are you okay Toshi?”_

_“yeah im fine” he wiped his lips and clenched his fist before setting it beside him as he looked at Kondo “Also, you should slow down on stalking the Shimura woman if you wanted to win her”_

_“eh?! Im not stalking its just a coincidence when she is there im there too!”_

_“even so, then talk to her like a civil person yaknow, try bringing her baagen dash ice cream and ask her out for dinner and im sure she would reconsider”_

_“you think so?”_

_“yeah.. so go and try, then when she agrees slowly take things from there okay? Don’t rush everything will be okay “_

_“thanks Toshi! Ill try to ask her!” Hijikata looked at Kondo as he stalked back to Otae and went to ask her something and he smiled at them before glancing at Sougo_

_“no gift?”_

_“My gift is too big I cant carry it here and its not allowed to be brought here besides ill only give that gift to Hijikata-san once he is back in duty” Hijikata’s eyes widen as he looked at Sougo who smirked at him “But of course he wont be getting back the position of Vice-chief”_

_“What’s your gift”_

_“My new rocket launcher “_

_“you bastard!”_

_“Heh” Sougo smirked and looked at him as he put his hands on the pockets of his jeans. “When Sis died I blamed myself sometimes for not even noticing that she was in pain, always smiling at us whenever we visit, but she was enduring all those times that she was suffering in pain alone… “ there was a small silence between them as Sougo continued “I kinda blamed you too.. when you turned your back on her even though I understood why you did that, she might be happy if she stayed with you but its still not enough to have her brother and the man she loves together in a dangerous line of job, not knowing if they will get shot and die during duty”_

_“… Sougo wh—“_

_“When you resigned, I was mad I could not accept that you gave up your passion and job that easily without a word yet did not do that when my sister asked you too, it did not make sense to me at first, i had to accidently find the reason why due to some documents you left on your desk”_

_“.. that was careless of me”_

_“yeah, then I understood, I was just insecure with all the attention you get from sister and Kondo-san, its childish really but that’s what I have to cling on”_

_“Mitsuba… she … lived a happy life I know, when I see her with her students, she had such a content expression, she was a strong woman who respected our decisions and faced forward, she is amazing always had… “_

_“…”_

_“She is someone that I would never forget”_

_“mmm… “_

_“Sougo… you take care of the Shinsengumi”_

_Sougo looked at him and stayed still, frowning as he gripped the item that was on his pocket._

_“watch over Kondo-san, we both decided to follow his path and protect the organization that he built, don’t slack at work, being a Vice-Chief you don’t half ass anything”_

_“tch, I know that I was only slacking before because I know you will clean up my mess anyways” he smirked and shrugged “but I have no one to do that now so I suppose I have to work my ass off but I aint as workaholic as you”_

_“bastard, I know that.. but i don’t have much time” he raised his clenched hand and opened it there was traces of blood and he frowned before looking at Gintoki who was bickering with Kagura fighting over the big strawberry toppings on the cake and he smiled, Sougo’s eyes widen and he didn’t move debating whether to tell Gintoki but before he can decide Hijikata beat him into it. “Don’t tell them.. I don’t want to ruin this day, its nice and warm “_

_“Hijikata-san..”_

_“I understood why Mitsuba didn’t tell us about her illness, why she chose to keep it hidden… more than the physical pain its much more painful seeing the important people of your life suffer because of you” he reached out for the nearest tissue on his bedside table and wiped his hand. “Seeing Gintoki losing weight and barely eat anything.. having no rest watching over it hurts more than this stupid sickness, so look after him from time to time as well… also, you should probably start treating the china girl a bit nicer if you wanted to get to know her better”_

_“danna, is a big guy he doesn’t need babysitting anymore also don’t play cupid with us and China “ he sighed and looked at him before he handed him a letter and frowned “its from everyone in the station, notes and letters” he took a step backwards “I’ll still wait for you so that I can use my new rocket launcher” he started walking back to them and HIjikata looked at him with a small frown, HIjikata looked at the blue envelope and placed it on the pilling gifts on his lap._

_The rest of the day had been spent nicely, they sang some songs and had some talks, Katsura arrived bringing some more food and went to greet him, Kondo and Sougo also Yamazaki left first as they are called on the station. Shinpachi and Otae followed since Shinpachi had an exam for tomorrow and needed to go home early, Katsura and Kagura lingered a bit longer as they played some chess UNO Hijikata included. GIntoki looked at Hijikata as they played, he seemed happy and content he was happy about that. When the sun started setting Katsura went home along with Kagura and the couple was left alone._

_Gintoki was cleaning the rest of the trash and food, Hijikata observed him from his bed as he closed his eyes and dozed off into a sleep though he was startled when he felt Gintoki beside him and he looked up at him._

_“Sorry I woke you, I was getting these off so you can lay down properly you might be exhausted.” Gintoki was clearing off the gifts that were littered on the bed and Hijikata shook his head and looked at him._

_“Let’s open those .. where is your gift?” he picked the gift of the two Yorozuya brats and he looked back at Gintoki who had a big ass pink bow on his head._

_“Your gift… “ he ran his hand up and down his own body “Do you accept nature’s god given art”_

_“pft! Shut up!”_

_“what?! Its your gift!” GIntoki chuckled and removed the headband and put it over Hijikata’s head, the pink bow sticking out over his white locks and Gintoki took a quick picture before the bow hit his face as Hijikata threw it._

_“The hell! “_

_“what its cute?”_

_“ill kill you!”_

_“Okay what did patsuan and Kagura got you” Gintoki took the gift that was given by the two and handed it to Hijikata who eagerly took it and started tearing off the cover and he raised the item which happen to be a brown T – Shirt with a Mayonnaise bottle that was printed on it._

_“This is nice” Hijikata said and folded the item before he took the next gift which is from Kondo which happens to be a lighter and he perked up at this feeling it around his hands, its been too long.. too long since he felt the texture and shape of it. “I missed smoking” he murmured and Gintoki just observe him tearing down the rest of the gifts which mostly contains anything that had to do with Mayonnaise the most ridiculous one is what Zura gave which is a Matryoshka dolls in a shape of Mayonnaise bottle with mayorin’s face on it and Hijikata looked like a excited kid laying them all out on his side table from the biggest to the smallest, it creeped GIntoki out but he didn’t say anything about it._

_“you must be tired go rest” Gintoki slowly helped him lat down the bed pulling the blankets up as he stroked his cheeks and Hijikata gripped his wrist_

_“Sleep beside me?”_

_“it might be uncomfortable for you”_

_“Its okay I wanna sleep beside you”_

_Gintoki debated for a moment as he slowly lay down beside him “did you have fun today?”_

_“I did, it was nice thank you I w—ngh!” he coughed and gripped on Gintoki’s shirt as he breathed heavily and Gintoki was about to sit up but Hijikata’s tight grip on his shoulder stopped him. “i-its fine don’t worry..” he closed his eyes and panted as he tried to normalize his breathing, the heart monitor started to return to revert to its normal beeping and GIntoki now noticed the dark circles under his eyes and his irregular beating, Gintoki frowned and stroked his cheeks, Hijikata’s heart failure had been frequent and he would always plead to him to stay, not to leave, to fight it out and everytime he does Hijikata would be back, he was able to see him again and then the cycle repeated again and again. His hand run up and down Hijikata’s back as the other nuzzled to him, eyes close and Gintoki frowned at how frail and tired he looks._

_“Toushiro..”_

_“…mm?”_

_“… Are .. Are you tired?”_

_“yeah.. I am”_

_“ then.. rest”_

_Hijikata looked up to him and waited for his next words._

_“.. don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.. Ill manage so.. just rest “_

_“okay”_

_“I love you.. “_

_“mm.. I do too”_

_“good night”_

_“gnight”_

_._

_._

_._

_._

 

GIntoki stopped as he finally reached his destination, looking at him he chuckled and raised the bouquet and smiled softly.

“Hey, im finally here…”


End file.
